A Proposal Rendered...And Accepted. 10 Years Ago Today!

Mr. and Mrs. Soon-to-Be the B's  11/29/04

I wrote this shortly after Mark proposed marriage ten years ago today!

Mark's marriage proposal took me completely by surprise. Not that I hadn't been  thinking lately that "maybe" Mark would propose "sooner or later" (in  fact, that was what I'd recently started telling the well-intended friends who were beginning to pester me about it).  But, I thought if he did propose, it'd be at Magnolia Grill (his favorite restaurant in Durham) on my birthday in December. Or, maybe as we began to celebrate our first Holiday Season together; or maybe even on  Christmas Day at my parents' house in Ft. Wayne with the majority of my family present as witnesses.

And yes, I'll admit;  I  had started to wonder if maybe he wouldn't propose at all, at least not when I  thought he would; that perhaps he'd wait another six months (or longer!)

So, I was getting all wrapped up in what might or might not happen; and, as such, I didn't see what did happen coming down the pike.

29 November 2004 had been a routine Monday afternoon in our household with Mark working from home and me starting to dredge up ideas for my lesson plan; this one on "The Skill of Speaking" for ESL.

I'd taken a shower late in the afternoon, which means Mark got to eye-ball his stinky sweetheart for the better part of the day.  After getting cleaned up, I  put on my not-so-very-sexy Victoria Secret jammies and my Monkey See and Monkey Do (over-sized, bright yellow and generally obnoxious looking) monkey-faced house slippers.

As an aside, this type of appearance is a definite no-no (or so we are told) for us gals who haven't yet got the Bling Bling on their finger.

I finished up my work for the evening and was thinking about starting dinner (Chicken Capri).  I pattered off to the bedroom to pull my (clean but a tad unkempt) hair back into its constant ponytail and re-entered the kitchen prepared to cook.  I  was, in truth, in a bit of a funk as is typical of me this time of the month; starting the cycle of freaking out and fretting over "my future".  Mark was standing next to the dishwasher, somewhat in my way as I felt an immediate need to put a dirty spoon into it; so I asked him (thankfully politely and in good form) to move by saying, "Excuse me, sweetie" while sort of  nudging him out of the way.

Well, he moved,  but not really as I had expected him to; as, in a deft and fluid motion, he pulled out a bouquet of (perfect) dozen red roses from behind his back with one hand, brought forward and snapped open a jewelry box containing a sparkling diamond solitaire with the other, and dropped to his knees in front of me asking, "Will you marry me?"

I  know every girl remembers her marriage proposal and, as years go by, the story is often told and retold to girlfriends, relatives; maybe even to a child or two, among sighs of "Oh how romantic!" or, "Oh how sweet!"

When Mark proposed, two initial thoughts ran tripping over themselves through my befuddled, stunned brain; "Oh man, I just told him to get out of my way" and "Oh NO, I am wearing Monkey See and Monkey Do".

We all three said yes.

Love God = Respect

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”  Deuteronomy 6:5

Love God.  Sounds easy enough, especially given the careless way these days the word is tossed out. You know what I’m talking about:  “I just love those shoes!” “I’m loving this weather!” “She’s so easy to love, she’s so adorable!” or, “Love ya, girlfriend!”

Of course, anyone in any sort of meaningful relationship; marriage or partnership; parents (or step-parents) or grandparents; siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins; friends, neighbors and church family; knows that love is not simple.  It requires the opposite of careless.  It can require more, sometimes, than we think we are capable of giving, perhaps even more than we really are capable of giving.

For me, loving God is what I must do in order to be able to truly love others.  Loving God has to come first, because it’s the power I receive from that loving relationship that gives me the strength I need to love others in my daily life.

So what does loving God entail? 

I tend to think of my relationship with God in terms of a parental relationship; for example, what, as a child, was required of me in my relationship with my mother and father (or other parental figures or people in authority such as teachers).  And, like my interactions with these individuals has, my relationship with God evolves over time; deepens and matures with knowledge and understanding.

When I was nine or ten, a friend and I tampered with the US mail.  A neighbor was out of town for several weeks and my friend’s mom was responsible for picking their mail up and putting it into their house.  One day, she sent my friend to do it, and I tagged along.  Full of the logic of a young girl, my friend said, “Let’s open it up, maybe there is a love letter in here somewhere!”  So, right then and there, standing at their mailbox, she tore into the three or four envelopes she was holding, only to discover there was nothing juicy whatsoever; only a bunch of bills.   Sighing, she said, “Oh well!” and thrust the opened mail at me and darted off, leaving me standing there with my mouth open and the evidence of our wrong doing lying limply in my hands. Feeling helpless and certain that this was not a good situation to be in, I decided to throw the mail into the storm drain.  Afterwards, I rushed off after my friend, hoping we’d not be found out.  For the next three weeks, this deed hung over my life and I worried and fretted that I was going to get into big trouble.  Of course, this is what eventually happened.  The neighbor received late notices for bills they had never received.  They asked my friend’s mom if she’d perhaps mislaid some of their mail.  She became suspicious and asked my friend who immediately sang like a canary.  My parents were informed of my role in the mess and, yes, I got into big trouble.  In addition to a (rare) spanking, I was required to go over to the neighbor and apologize.  My parents also decided that I would be grounded for three weeks; and by grounded, this meant that, other than for meals, going to school, and the necessary bathroom runs, I was to stay in my bedroom.  For.  Three.  Weeks.  And my friend?  She was not allowed to go outside to play for one day.

As unfair as that may seem, I wasn’t really that upset about my punishment.  Although I had not actually been the one to open the mail, I had not done the right thing with the evidence.  What I should have done was go directly to my mom and tell her what happened.  Peer pressure, of course, kept me from doing the right thing; I didn’t want my friend to think I was a baby.  Actually, I was relieved that the other shoe had finally dropped and I could sleep without waking up in the middle of the night worrying or look at my mother again without feeling terribly guilty.  Although my three weeks in confinement may have seemed harsh to others, I vaguely recognized then (and certainly know now some 40 years later) that my mom and dad didn’t sentence me without long and deliberating thought and conversation.  They wanted me to learn from this experience so that I would think twice before doing something so foolish again to be sure, but also to remember that I must always go to them in times of trouble and uncertainty.  Truthfully, I believe they were more concerned that I carried that heavy load of guilt for three weeks than they were by what I’d done (or been an accomplice to, at any rate).  This experience taught me a lot about respect; respect for others, respect for authority, and respect for myself.

  

When I think about my relationship with God, I am reminded of that episode in my life, and the connection of  “love” and “respect”; especially to those in authority.  And who else has the ultimate authority over my life but God?  Loving God means respecting God, and respecting God means offering my presence, trusting Him as I release my burdens and wrongdoings, seeking forgiveness and guidance, and following His instructions; trusting that He has the best intentions for me; that He has my back.

“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.  Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all of your heart.”  Jeremiah 29:11-13

Mrs. B

God Speaks

For roughly the past two years, I’ve been involved in an intense study of the Bible.  This study, Disciple, is extremely structured and organized in its format and presentation.  Daily scripture reading is required, as is a weekly class that lasts about two and a half hours.  Class time itself is also fairly structured (at least it is intended to be, I must confess that our small group of Disciples, having been together for as long as we have, have tended to “do our own thing” from time to time!)  In any event, we just wrapped up Disciple II, which was a detailed study into the books of Genesis/Exodus and Luke/Acts.  In addition to delving deeper into The Word, this particular Disciple class took us one step further, asking with each class session, “Now that you’ve gone into The Word, what will be your response out in The World?”  In other words, The Message is meant to be shared, there are many ways in which to do so, how are YOU going to share The Good News?

I believe there are some Disciples who gush forth with light and pure enthusiasm in sharing The Good News.  It comes natural to them, not sharing would be akin to not breathing.  I’ve known a few such souls; one who comes to mind was our wonderful neighbor Ralph, who recently passed away from pancreatic cancer.  Even while in the midst of dying, Ralph was purposefully living out the act of bringing others to life and salvation in Christ.  Ralph was not hesitant, or unsure of himself.  He knew he could do all things, through Christ. 

There are others, however, much like me, who, after hearing and finally “getting” The Good News, find themselves a bit unsure of what, exactly to do next.  It can be, frankly, daunting; even though it is, truthfully, one of the most important things we can ever do.  And we shouldn’t be afraid, or worried, about carrying this news, because He’s got our backs, so to speak; and if we sincerely are in awe of and trust in God, then nothing or no one else should be able to thwart us.

That’s the way it should be, it’s not the way it always is. 

But, I take heart, because most of us, myself included, find opportunities to witness and share when there is a natural opening to do so. For me, I’ve found chances to talk about my faith have arisen simply out of people’s curiosity about my involvement in Disciple Class; my reading, studying and discussions of the Bible with others.  I’ve heard things like, “I could never get through the Bible, it’s so boring!”, or, “I tried, I really did, but I couldn’t get past Genesis.  I mean, seriously?  People actually believe that stuff happened?” or, “What about science?  I would love to believe in God, but I’m a scientist!” or, “Leviticus?  Really? That is SO out of touch with my reality!”  And so on.  “Hey, I’ve been there, too,” I tell them.  “Fairly recently, too.”

About three years ago, right around the time we returned to church, I decided, having never done so, that it was time to read the Bible.  Yes sir, I was going to pick up one of the various versions I had stuffed in our bookshelf (kind of ironic, in hindsight, that two people who had not had anything to do with God in the past thirty years still had quite the collection of Bibles in their house!) and get busy!  My first attempt was with a King James Version.  Not, mind you, a NEW King James Version, but the OLD King James Version.  Not surprisingly, I couldn’t get past Genesis 1.  After putting that down with some disappointment, I recalled there was a version out there called The Message; the Bible in plain, modern day language.  That sounded good to me, so I purchased one through Amazon.com.  When it arrived, I eagerly opened it up, raring to get going on my quest to read the Bible.  Guess what?  I couldn’t make it through the book of Genesis.  Although the language was easier to understand, I fell into one of the thought process mentioned above, that this stuff just couldn’t have happened.  I was taking things entirely too literally, and, as such, was discarding the message itself.

Thankfully, a few month later, our church offered a Disciple I class (the first in the Disciple series).  Although it was a major commitment of 36 weeks  of class and daily reading (sometimes amounting to an hour a day, depending on that week’s lesson), both Mark and I signed up for it in September of 2012 and our lives began to change.

Having gone through this transformation (which, by the way, is still in process), I am now convinced that a Bible novice should never attempt to read the Bible on their own for the simple fact it can be flat out discouraging.  Some people will fail with the Old Testament but find comfort in the New Testament; you know, along comes Jesus to make everything better. Plus, much of the New Testament is more familiar to most of us.  But, having gone through reading the Bible in a guided, structured and purposeful way, I can see that, by skipping the Old Testament and getting to “the good stuff”, too much can be lost in translation. We may find ourselves giggling or rolling our eyes through all the debates of circumcision vs. no circumcision of the gentiles in Acts, because we don’t understand the importance or the symbolism of the argument.  Or, if you’ve not muddled through the Prophets, the importance of what is cited in the later Gospel and the references to Jesus can be totally missed.  Not to mention, understanding who wrote what, the time in which certain books were written, the history of the Israelites and of their country; is really needed to put everything into perspective.

Circling back to sharing The Good News, I’ve found most folks are pretty fascinated when I tell them what I’ve learned by studying the Bible.  I’m not preaching at them, I’m sharing my experience, and that is a big difference.  A huge difference.

As we wrapped up our study the other night, we were discussing what our next class might be.  Disciple III (which is an intense study of the Prophets)?  Or, maybe a new study entirely entitled Covenant?  What would get others interested?  We joked that perhaps we should suggest an offering of Disciple Lite or, maybe even (thinking of the popular yellow self-help books) Disciples for Dummies!

Although I know there is still much for me to learn about the Bible (there’s no wonder some people spend their entire life studying it), if someone who’d never heard of the Bible said to me, 

“Wow, I’ve never heard about the Bible, what’s it about?” I’d say,

“It’s the story of God and His never-ending love  for us.”

“Really?  And what did you get out of it?”

“Love God.  Love one another.  The End”.

Mrs. B

Next Up:  Love God

In Our Midst

I wrote this a while back.  I'm posting it now at the encouragement of my fellow Disciples.  

Jesus said, “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them”.

Matthew 18:20 (NRSV)

For two years, my husband and I have been part of a small group that meets weekly to study the Bible.  It’s an intense study that requires over a half a year commitment that includes daily reading of scripture and 2 ½ hour weekly meetings.

We’re well into our second study together and we’ve come to know each other quite well. Last night, we met after several weeks of absence due to the Christmas and New Year holiday.  We’d missed one another and had a lot to catch up on.  Although the evening’s lesson was somewhat difficult with readings from Exodus and Leviticus, we had no problem jumping into the material and having a lively discussion.  There was much laughing and good natured joking; yet, there were also moments when one might tell of a deep concern or personal struggle and the rest of us would listen intently; showing our love and offering encouragement. 

Although these scenes were typical of all our gatherings, it struck me last night that Jesus WAS sitting there at the table with us.  When I thought about it, I could see Him, energized; warmth radiating from Him to us, perhaps a loud laugh at something said, or, a sympathetic pat on the shoulder when someone shared something difficult, or, a nod of encouragement to our leader when he skillfully brought us back on focus.  How appropriate that our study is entitled “Disciples”!

I wish others could see our group and discover that studying God’s Word and being a follower of Jesus lets us share with others the full range of life’s most powerful emotions, sometimes all in one evening. And if that’s not enough to convince them, it can be fun, too.

Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching".

Mrs. B

He'll Meet You Wherever You Are: Part Two

When my stepmother passed away in March of 2011, I recall calling my older sister and talking to her about her death.  I was, quite understandably, very upset and very emotional.  I was crying and I remember my sister asked me, “Do you believe in Jesus”?  I was gulping for air and I said I did; but, frankly, I was later mad at her for bringing Jesus up at a time like this.  Why?  Because I thought that she was doing so not because she really wanted me to know and love Jesus, but because she wanted to convert me.  Later, she did a few more things that totally pissed me off so that I found myself thinking “Ha, some Christian she is!” The thing is; her questions? They were another seed.

So, back to the message series at the local church (which turned out to be Harvest United Methodist). I showed the paper with the advertisement from the church  to my husband.  I told him this church was literally five minutes away from us and what did he think?  Didn’t it look interesting?  He took it, read it, and without hesitation said, “Sure, we can go if you want”. I don’t remember what day that was; it may have been a Friday, because we began discussing if we should go that coming Sunday.  We initially decided to go, but by Saturday night, I was already having second thoughts about the whole thing.  I mean, SUNDAY?  That’s tomorrow!  I don’t know, maybe I don’t want to do this? 

One of the great things about my husband is, he’s not a pusher.  Ok, maybe he wasn’t sure, either; come to find out he had his own very personal reasons for avoiding church, but, when I got cold feet, he didn’t argue with me.  So, we did not go that Sunday but I just couldn’t get that message series out of my head.  I WANTED to know what they were going to say.  I wanted to believe that there were people who believed in God who were not judgmental.  And, there was also the whole “getting to know people” thing that we’d promised each other we’d do.  And, in all honesty, I was beginning to wonder what exactly I was going to do with the second part of my life, now that I’d seemingly “done it all”.  So, I next told him I thought we should go to their Thursday night service.  An hour, was all.  Maybe it wouldn’t be very crowded, either; we wouldn’t have to deal with a lot of people and if we didn’t  go back, not that many folks would have seen us there.  I’m serious; this is what was running through my mind when we decided to try to go that coming Thursday! 

This time, we went.  Thursday September 29^th 2011.  A bright, sunny afternoon and the parking lot at the church was relatively empty (whew, I thought).  We walked up to the doors of the church and before we reached them, they were thrown open by a man and a woman with big smiles on their faces.  “Welcome to Harvest!”, they said.  We were both a bit taken aback by their cheerfulness but (when we reflected on it later), it was genuine. It was pretty quiet inside the gathering area of the church; only a handful of other people there.  The lady, Nancy, asked us if this was our first time at Harvest because I’m sure all first time people have the same look in on their faces that we did; a mixture of uncertainty, shock, deer in the headlights, and resolve.  Yes, yes, we said and we spent a few moments with them telling them about us and why we were there (the draw of the message series).  They themselves were not attending that evening’s service but were helping out with one of the children’s ministries.  They introduced us to the youth minister/music coordinator and off we went with him.  From there, we happened to meet Steve, one of the Pastor, and chatted with him a bit before heading in for the service. 

One of the things I remember the most about that evening, other than who we met, was my doggedness in refusing to take communion.  I told my husband that I wasn’t ready to do that and I felt it would be fake to get up there and take communion when I’d not set foot in  a church for 30 years.  Not that I felt my husband was being fake by deciding to do so; it was a very personal feeling.  That evening’s message centered on  when Christians say the wrong thing.  Oh, boy.  Catherine, the other Pastor led the service and I remember being extremely nervous and uncomfortable, but at the same time, totally interested in what she had to say.  Lastly, one of the songs sung that night was one I’ve come to love called “Cry Out to Jesus” by Third Day and the line that stuck with me all the entire night was “He’ll meet you wherever you are”.  

To Be Continued!

Mrs. B

Kindness and Fruit

It seems, in general, that kindness is a rare thing these days.  What makes this shortage even more appalling is that kindness itself can manifest in so many different ways; there's not one singular way to be kind.  Can it be that we've turned into a society of mean-spirited, spiteful, selfish people?  Or is it simply that we're all too busy rushing about, going from here to there, focusing on whatever our end goal is, that we don't even think about kindness?  "I'm sorry, I just don't have time to be nice to you".  That doesn't play well, does it?  I can't say it's any better than being outwardly mean. 

When it comes right down to it,  kindness usually doesn't cost anything but time.  Think about it.  What does it cost a person to:  a) send a short email to someone telling them you are thinking about them on what you know to be a difficult day for them b) tell a person next to you in a check-out line who looks decidedly down that you love their (fill in the blank so long as you mean it) shoes, hair color, wallet, outfit, etc., or, even better, let them go ahead of you, too c) SMILE at the clerk taking your money d) offer to do a chore around the house even if it's not technically your responsibility or turn e) give a loved one a big hug for no reason f) NOT say (or post) something snarky about someone, even if they "deserve" it; well, I could go on and on; but in all of these examples, the only thing required is a well-intended heart and time (and sometimes not very much time at all).

The other day in the paper, I was reading about a study done on customer service people and how they interact with their clients.  I'm fairly certain the study was conducted incognito because the behavior of a goodly percentage of these employees was far from that which would garner top scores.  In fact, it was really dismal and disappointing to read what these folks were or were not doing, with behavior ranging from the employee acting put upon when a request (totally within their job description) was made of them to outright rudeness to completely ignoring customers in favor of something really interesting on their smart phone.  Yes, yes, we, the consumers of the world, can chose to walk away (and most of us would). It doesn't make it right.  Heck, if people being PAID to be kind can't be kind, what can we expect from each other?

I had quite the opposite experience today, which is what prompted this particular post.

Most of you out there who know me know I am THE Typhoid Mary of anything electronic.  Computers, Laptops, Cellphones, Cameras.  Now, as of today, we can add Tablets to this list.  I bought a new one a few days ago and, while I was trying to get used to typing on it (no Swyping, unfortunately), I remembered I had bought a stylus for my Smart Phone (they fit right into the ear bud  jack on any such device).  In it went and I was soooooo happy.   Until this morning when I went to take the stylus out of the jack and, somehow, inexplicably, it snapped in half, leaving a goodly portion of it inside the jack.  Not.  Good.  This means I can no longer connect a stylus (the only point to this is so you don't lose said stylus) but also, more importantly, I can't use that jack for ear buds now.  Now, in all honesty, I probably wouldn't have since my phone is much easier to cart around to listen to music, but still.  A brand new Tablet already mucked up.  

Mr. B suggested (after he tried very hard not to roll his eyes at me (but he did exclaim, "NOW what did you do?") and after making a valiant  but in the end futile attempt to dig the offending piece out) that I take it to a local repair place, the owner of which he knows from his BNI group. So, off I went, ever hopeful.  The owner, Allison, explained to me that she couldn't take the Tablet apart because it would never go back together quite as snug as before which would be worse than my current predicament since I'd end up with all sorts of crumbs and purse lint inside the device.  But, she was kind enough to contact Samsung to ask them what I should do (the answer was send it in so they could charge me more than the Tablet was worth to fix it but that's besides the point).  SHE was totally KIND plus she went above and beyond (and she gets extra kudos for not calling me Typhoid Mary).  And, all it took was some of her time.

A bit bummed about the Tablet (even though it really doesn't matter that much) I headed off to shop a swimming suit sale at Bealls.  Ladies, y'all know how incredibly depressing this can be, and, in fact, I'd already bombed out the day before at another store so I wasn't holding out much hope.  At least today I was armed with the store flyer advertising 40% off swimwear and cover ups (the exact language, which becomes important later on) and a $10 off coupon.  Oh, I only had until 2:00 pm to use the coupon, BTW, so I was rushing about trying on a slew of suits.  I finally found one I quite liked (happy happy joy joy) however I was perplexed by the fact the rack it was on didn't have a 40% off sign but many other racks nearby did.  I looked down at the price and....gasp.  Ok if it was 40% off + $10, NOT ok full price.  

I went off to a price check station just to double check.  It rang up full price.  Right then, a sales lady named Pamela happened by and said, "Oh, what a lovely suit!"  "I know, I said wistfully, but, it's not ringing up on sale".  She stopped whatever it was she was doing and came over to look at the screen and then the flyer I was holding.  "Well, it should be on sale, shouldn't it?"  Off we went then with her taking me all over the store, first to the manager of swimwear where we were told, "That brand is not included in the sale" to guest relations where they said, "That's the way it is, if it was on sale, the flyer would have said Entire Stock".  Pamela would not be thwarted, however, telling me,  "It's not right.  It doesn't mention any exclusions and I want you to have that swimsuit!"  So, off we went again until she finally found the store manager who, probably accustomed to Pamela's zeal, gave in and told me I could have it for the sale price.  Bear in mind that the first lady we'd run across, the manager of swimwear, had asked me if I still wanted it and when I said "not at that price" took it away from me without another word.  Pamela marched over to where the suits were hanging and found it and handed it back to me with a big smile.  An added bonus; total kindness AND a big smile to go along with it.  

There's a reason, of course, that kindness is listed as one of the fruit of the Spirit in the  Bible; here, in particular, "By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Generosity, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control.  There is no law against such things". Galatians 5:22-23 It's also no surprise that love is listed first as it is THE most important thing of all; and, when you think about it, the rest of the fruit are really an aspect or manifestation of love.  My Disciple book tells of an old legend regarding people who came wanting to buy the fruit of the Spirit.  They were told that they couldn't buy the fruit, but they could buy the seeds.  The book goes on to note, "Indeed, these traits of the holy life are...certainly not bought.  Rather, they grow out of the believer's heart".  

Galatians goes on to say, "If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, competing against one another and envying one another". 5:25-26

Suffice it to say, I've been thinking a lot about "The Fruit" lately :-)  I am pondering not only how to personally exhibit them, but, more importantly, to feel them residing within me as naturally as my beating heart, my breathing lungs and my mind that continues to seek answers.  I think in part because I have been  searching, I am finding them out there in others.

And, unlike the admonishment from Romans 12:17 not to repay anyone "evil for evil", I will definitely be finding out how I can return Pamela's kindness by writing a "satisfied customer" letter on her behalf;  while Allison will be getting our business to replace Typhoid Mary's  worn out laptop keyboard.

Mrs. B

My Dad

My dad had planned hip replacement surgery today.  It's been a long time coming, let me tell you.  It was originally scheduled for late 2010 but he had other health complications at the time that made the surgery impossible.  The surgery was  rescheduled for 2011, but then my mom had a serious health issue that had to be addressed first.  So, finally, today was the day.

Dad, in true dad fashion, was ready to go.  He'd done his part; kept his weight down, exercised as much as he could, continued on with life even though he really was in dreadful pain.  They were here in Florida until early April doing their best to enjoy their retirement in the sun but, of course, always with this pain in the background.

Anyway, even though this is a very common procedure now a days, it's still unnerving and scary when someone you love goes under the knife.  For me in particular, having lost my step-mother last year and just recently my father-in-law, I was pretty skittish today.  I prayed; I asked my church to pray also, and I felt a lot better but still and again, I wasn't totally relaxed until my brother sent me a message just before 2:00 that dad was out of surgery, he'd done great and there were no complications.

While sitting here earlier today thinking about my dad; thinking about everything over the past almost 45 years, I wrote this little piece.

Love you, dad.

Mrs. B

My Dad

Made me crowns from chewing gum wrappers

Took me on bike rides with me sitting behind him holding on for dear life

Liked to listen to me read out loud from my Laura Ingalls Wilder books

Helped me with my stamp collection

Carried me everywhere for three weeks when I had a case of trench foot

Taught me how to keep score at San Diego Padre base ball games

Let us have a cat even though he really didn’t like cats

Was a firm but fair disciplinarian

Knew the importance of staying at a motel with a pool

Taught me how to pitch a softball and coached my team for several years

Was never too tired at the end of the day to help me with my homework

Forgave me when I dropped a tent trailer on his hand

Was the only person brave enough not to give up on teaching me how to drive

Rebuilt the engine of my 1968 Karman Ghia (even though he’d told me when I bought it to take it back)

Was a hard task master but always provided cold beer and good food at the end of a hard day of physical labor

Because my older sister inherited my mom’s, he built me the most beautiful cherry Hope Chest (as well as other handmade items)

Makes a killer margarita

Taught me to never underestimate the power of curry; especially in egg salad

Although he doesn’t always know what to say in times of trouble, he’s always there in times of trouble

Is man enough to allow himself to be called Pop-Pops

Let me sleep in while he walked my dog

Never gives up

 

  

Happy Birthday Mr. B!!!!!

Love ya, baby.

Mrs. B

Amy and Mark

It WAS a long time coming, too!

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I Am With You Kid. Let's Go!

Am I the only one who remembers specific dates long after they should really carry as much significance as they once did; especially as dates that followed became much more important in the grand scheme of things?

Case in point, Tuesday March 30th, 2004. This was the day I met Mr. B, meaning, our first face to face meeting. We were matched up via eHarmony on Friday March 19th. Thanks to the journal I was keeping at that time and the scrapbook I later made (thank God I keep everything, even if I'm the only one who will ever care that I did so), I have these words to help in my recollections:

From eHarmony:

Dear Amy and Mark:

I'm writing to tell you that eHarmony's unique matching system has sifted information through hundreds of thousands of profiles and matched yours on 29 Key Dimensions of compatibility. We've taken the work and stress out of finding a compatible person to meet. So, Amy and Mark, we'd like to make an introduction.

And what I had to say to eHarmony later when reporting our "Success Story":

Mark immediately initiated the communication process. I was deeply enthralled with the information on his page and felt a connection with him as many of his answers were close in tone to mine.

Soon, we'd progressed to the 4th Stage in eHarmony's controlled process, which was Open Communication. Here is a bit of the emails we first sent one another:

3.21.04

Hi Mark:

These first emails are always a bit tough! Sounds like you've been at eHarmony for a short period of time; same with me (signed up in February). I just moved to Durham from LA (to be closer to family) and figured this would be a good way to meet some nice people...I was married for about ten years and have been divorced for almost four. No children, but I do have cats...Glad to hear you like cooking/entertaining; definitely one of my favorite things to do (along with traveling and reading...) PS...You're right...you don't look like you are 47 years old :-)

3.21.04

Hi Amy:

Yes, the first emails do seem to be the hardest to write...I am basically a shy person with new people and then warm up quickly...I have a daughter who is 11...who lives with her mother...What kind of cats do you have? I love their names, by the way (BIG kudos, there, Mr. B!) I always had cats around growing up...been thinking about getting one...(how about FIVE, sweetie?)...I read in your information that you like to travel...so do I...

After several emails, we decided to meet for coffee/dessert at a local cafe and bake shop; Mad Hatter's (who, BTW, we used to make our wedding cake!) I said in my journal:

I am going to meet Mark Tuesday night. He suggested coffee and talking. Already, I like his approach!

And...

"Life loves to be taken by the lapel and be told: "I am with you kid. Let's go!"" -- Maya Angelou

This quote is a fairly appropriate one, I think, for the start of another new journal; the first one to begin in my new life here in Durham.

I guess I really have "taken life by the lapel", haven't I? When I really stop to think about it (and am able to tell the critic inside myself to shut up for a minute), I realize I've done a lot in the past 12 months to change my life. A lot to be proud of, because it took guts to do what I did (and yes, there is a difference between courage and stupidity/rashness!)

I know that I don't give myself enough credit. I never have.

Well, that's about to change for once and for all! I am going to take the confidence that everyone sees/thinks I have and start on a new adventure with it.

Starting tonight! I am meeting a new man from eHarmony in less than an hour. Who knows if he is "The One", but so far, at least from our emails, I like him quite a bit.

As it turned out, it rained quite heavily that evening. I remember I was wearing my London Fog raincoat, a pair of taupe slacks that I thought made me look especially thin (I still have these) and a maroon sweater. I walked into Mad Hatter's and saw Mark almost right away standing off to one side of the entrance opposite the one I'd come in. I recognized him since we'd both posted pictures on our eHarmony profiles. He had on khaki slacks and a yellow polo shirt with an IBM penguin logo. To my extreme surprise, he also was sporting an earring in his left ear and had somewhat longish, curly hair (to my never-ending dismay, both the earring and the long curly hair are kept under wraps the majority of the time these days as not being especially appropriate for a CPA in the somewhat conservative South). I know we were both a bit nervous, but, thanks to the leg work eHarmony had done (and all of our emails), it didn't take too long for the edginess to evaporate and soon we were chatting like we'd known each other a lot longer than we actually had. Seriously, over tiramisu (him) and red velvet cake (me) and a lot of coffee, it did seem as though we were two people who had known each other for awhile; maybe through work or church or a Board or something who had, at some point, decided to take the relationship a bit further. In other words, we were NOT complete strangers, we knew things about one another, we had "starting points" for the conversation (my cats, his daughter, our travels, our favorite wines) to fall back on if there were any lapses.

After talking for close to two hours, we parted, but not before we exchanged a quick hug and peck kisses and Mark asked me if I wanted to get together again.

My summary from my journal later that night:

I thought it went well! I really like him. I think he may feel the same; he asked me if I want to get together again when I get back from FL. Yes, definitely yes!

And a few days later:

I guess I've had a few butterflies these past couple of days; waiting to see if Mark would still be interested...and it seems that he is! Of all things to have butterflies about (new job, meeting new people, making a presentation, travel) a prospective new romance is, by far, the best!

I began this post this morning by musing why certain dates stick with you even though ones that followed have more significance. After composing this post, it's become clear that, sometimes, it's the events of these seemingly less important dates that are, in fact the more life changing after all. For, if they hadn't happened, those that followed never could have.

And, even though Mr. B will be slaving away tonight at his office and I'll be home with our six pets, I just may have to have a piece of red velvet cake on this Tuesday March 30th 2010.

Mrs. B

Happy 40th Anniversary Mom and Dad!!!

Today, October 5th, is my mom and (step) dad's 40th anniversary! They spent this past week celebrating in Puerto Vallarta and will be en route home later on today.

To me, they embody what a marriage should be like. Although life has not always been easy for them and there have been many, many challenges along the way, they are still together, still very obviously love one another and continue to share that love with their 5 children, son and daughters-in-law, and six (soon to be seven) grandchildren.

Happy Anniversary, mom and dad; and MANY MANY more!

Your Second,

Mrs. B

It's Official...I Miss Her!

Lucy hanging with us on the patio one night last week

Lucy, that is! Our dog, The Goose.

When we first got her, I have to admit, I sort of looked forward to when we'd leave on vacation and I would get to drop her off at the kennel (Uncle Chuck's). I never felt guilty since I knew she loved being there; in fact, I felt a bit of relief/freedom from all of the responsibility that was Lucy.

Now, many things have changed since then. Over the past year or so, and especially since Clyde passed away, she's really "grown on me" (as they say). We've "bonded", I guess that is a more accurate statement. We went on our big Florida "grandparents" tour together, mom and I took her with us on our road trip to MO, and, she has, in essence, been my constant companion.

We've worked hard together to improve her obedience and manners and (also in part to Mr. B's involvement), she's really come far.

Lucy gets her nightly olive fix!

So, this morning, I dropped her off at Uncle Chuck's. As always, she got really excited when she realized where she was (completely forgetting her manners too; also as usual). When the girl came to take her back to her "room", she went with a big grin on her face and never looked back (also as usual). I AM happy that she loves being there, that there is no drama. But, it still made me sort of sad to see her go.

Now I'm home preparing for our trip, doing this and that. I was out in the backyard watering plants and the sight of her ball and toys scattered all over sort of wrenched at my heart. Ditto when I saw her "baby" upstairs where she'd left it lying on the sitting room floor. And, as I sit here and write this entry, it is so quiet. There are no tags jingling, no rustles from her as she moves around on her bed or climbs up onto the couch; all of that.

So, yeah, it's official...I miss her...and...now...I'm truly a dog lover! At least a Lucy lover!

Mrs. B