Exodus 14:14

I wonder if I’m unusual in that I tend to look up and see the time on the digital clock right when it’s 12:17 (my birthday).  This happens frequently; also, expiration dates on milk cartons seem to reflect important dates and the birthdays of others all too often.  The other day I was handed change for a $20 at the Dollar Store and the clerk said, “$14.14, that’s a good number!”  I told her, “Yes it is!” because it immediately brought to mind Exodus 14:14.  So now, in addition to numbers that I espy representing significant dates, they now also bring to mind Bible verses J

In this chapter of Exodus,   the Israelites, that group of whining, complaining, and fickle ex-slaves of the Egyptians, are following their leader Moses through the desert; bickering and nagging at him the entire way.  They soon realize that they are being pursued by their former captives, and, as my Father would say, they “Homered”.

I must digress and explain this family terminology.  Homer was my Father and step-mom’s big black cat with a serious overbite and an even more serious lack of (the usual) cat-savvy.  He was routinely beat-up by his older brother, Cletus, who, while not a mean cat, was a hunter.  More than likely, Cletus was simply using Homer as a form of convenient target practice. In any case, Homer became so paranoid that Cletus might “attack” at any moment that any small noise or movement would stop him dead in his tracks; whatever he was doing or wherever he was going.  He might be aimlessly meandering across the family room floor on his way to a patch of sunlight when he’d hear “something” (Cletus or not) and he’d immediately freeze, flatten himself to the floor, eyes wild and staring in fear, unable to move; unable to do anything but stay put and look foolishly ridiculous.  Then, out of the blue, he’d totally make the wrong move and bolt right into a wall.

After observing Homer’s behavior, whenever we’d encounter a situation where a person appeared to become immobilized, unable to make a decision or to move forward and/or to make a completely nonsensical move with seemingly no thought behind it (another term for this being “Like a deer in the headlights”), we’d say, “Oh!  They Homered!”

So, the Israelites were homering; freaking out and about ready to run amok in the wrong direction: back into slavery and captivity; probably even to death. I think of Moses standing there trying to calm them when he says, “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still!”  Don’t wig out!  Don’t make any rash decisions!  Have faith!  Don’t worry!

I know this verse resonated with me because, in the face of adversity, trouble, difficulties, fears, struggles; I tended to immediately do two things:  1.  Freak out or worry (or some other unfortunate emotion) and 2.  “OCD” the situation; take charge, write a ca-zillion to do lists, and try to get everyone else to do what I think is best.

“Keep still!”  How often are there references to being still in scripture?  Just sitting here this very second, two more popped into my head; Psalm 37:7 and Psalm 46:10 (you can look them up J )Yet, this does not mean the brainless frozen immobility of a person “Homering”; but a trustful, watchful, waiting expectance that God is there in the moment with us, fighting for us in ways that we may never fully understand, but we can be confident that He is. Sometimes, that very stillness brings discernment; a thought, an idea a nudge, settles in our mind saying, “This is the way, walk in it!”  Isaiah 30:21(b). 

Although I find peace and comfort knowing that I don’t have to freak out and take immediate control and responsibility for a situation; that God is there, acting as my undercover redeemer, I also know my next step (and, of course, there does eventually have to be a next step) can be taken confidently, with God’s guidance and instruction.

Back to the Israelites.  Soon after Moses got their attention, guess what?  God stepped in and took control.  With Moses as the means, He prepared a way for the Israelites to move safely forward, saying to them through Moses, “Ok, now it’s time to MOVE!” 

And they did.  And so should we, but only after we’ve kept still long enough to listen to the directions.

Mrs. B

Contents May Have Shifted During Flight

“…Welcome with meekness the implanted word of God that has the power to save our souls.”

James 1:21(b) (NRSV)

“But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power comes from God and does not come from us.” 

2 Corinthians 4:7 (NRSV)

The plane was filled to capacity and all of the overhead bins were stuffed to overflowing; not one iota of space was left.  Throughout the flight, there was quite a bit of turbulence; so, when the plane landed at our destination and passengers were preparing to jump up to collect their belongings, the flight attendant was even more adamant with the familiar caution of being careful when opening the overhead bins because contents may have shifted during flight.  No one wanted a load of wheelie bags and carry on packages to come crashing down on their head!

Both James 1:21(b) and 2 Corinthians 4:7 reminds us that we have the treasure of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the word of God implanted within our fragile and fickle bodies.  This treasure, unlike earthly ones, is not to be hoarded but is meant to be shared with others.  When we are right with God; when we are connected with Him and guided by His Holy Spirit, the contents within the clay jars of our human bodies are safe and serene, ready to be lived out and gifted to others.  Yet, like the items in overhead bins on choppy airplane flights, the trials, tribulations and turbulence of our lives can sometimes shift and shake up this precious cargo, causing us to feel lost and disoriented.

Thankfully, just as we are deliberately careful when opening up those overhead bins, we can also be intentional about bringing the treasure inside us back to a position of calmness and stability.  By relying on the grace and power of our loving God, we can return, even after long periods of the churning flight of life, to the source of that treasure; our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Mrs. B 

I Never Fly Solo

For the past several weeks, I have been participating in a small group study at church focusing on prayer as a way to intentionally listening for God in the midst of all the hub-bub in our lives and discerning what He may be telling us.  This six-week study is entitled,  “Listen:  Praying in a Noisy World” by Rueben P. Job; and each session has highlighted a different, and in some cases new to all of us, method of prayer (referred to as a "prayer practice").

This past week’s  prayer practice was to read through the assigned chapter, which includes scripture, quotes from the author and other spiritual writers and a story that ties everything together; and to each day, underline words and phrases from that day’s reading that reminded us of the assurance of God’s love.  Finally, we were encouraged to transcribe those words and phrases onto an index card or stickee note and carry it with us throughout the day.

At the end of the week, I had a collection of seven stickee notes.  Today, while preparing for tonight’s class, I looked at all of the notes and realized they told a story, my story. So, I wrote them down, did a bit of re-arranging and word-smithing, and arrived at the following amazing and personalized affirmation.*  

I Never Fly Solo

I am God’s beloved child and I will live as a child of God.

I never fly solo.

Beloved is the name by which God knows me and the way He relates to me.

Faithful love surrounds me because I trust the Lord.

I am God’s.  God transforms me.

I never fly solo.

I will trust the teaching I have treasured in my heart.

The Lord will guide me continually and He will rescue me.

I never fly solo.

I will transform the world where I am as I focus my mind on God’s knowledge.

Wisdom will be given to me if I ask, but I must chose to listen to God’s voice.

I never fly solo.

I must learn to live each day as an opportunity to make everything new.

I will remember and reflect on God’s love and that I am saved by God’s grace because of my faith.

I never fly solo.

I will move forward in my life as a follower of Christ, listening to His voice saying to me, “I have a gift for you and I can’t wait for you to see it!”

The world of my past is gone.

I never fly solo.

Mrs. B

*Although this was arranged by Mrs. B, all words, phrases and scripture versus (Common English Bible) were derived from “Listen:  Praying in a Noisy World” by Rueben P. Job Copyright 2011.

God Speaks

For roughly the past two years, I’ve been involved in an intense study of the Bible.  This study, Disciple, is extremely structured and organized in its format and presentation.  Daily scripture reading is required, as is a weekly class that lasts about two and a half hours.  Class time itself is also fairly structured (at least it is intended to be, I must confess that our small group of Disciples, having been together for as long as we have, have tended to “do our own thing” from time to time!)  In any event, we just wrapped up Disciple II, which was a detailed study into the books of Genesis/Exodus and Luke/Acts.  In addition to delving deeper into The Word, this particular Disciple class took us one step further, asking with each class session, “Now that you’ve gone into The Word, what will be your response out in The World?”  In other words, The Message is meant to be shared, there are many ways in which to do so, how are YOU going to share The Good News?

I believe there are some Disciples who gush forth with light and pure enthusiasm in sharing The Good News.  It comes natural to them, not sharing would be akin to not breathing.  I’ve known a few such souls; one who comes to mind was our wonderful neighbor Ralph, who recently passed away from pancreatic cancer.  Even while in the midst of dying, Ralph was purposefully living out the act of bringing others to life and salvation in Christ.  Ralph was not hesitant, or unsure of himself.  He knew he could do all things, through Christ. 

There are others, however, much like me, who, after hearing and finally “getting” The Good News, find themselves a bit unsure of what, exactly to do next.  It can be, frankly, daunting; even though it is, truthfully, one of the most important things we can ever do.  And we shouldn’t be afraid, or worried, about carrying this news, because He’s got our backs, so to speak; and if we sincerely are in awe of and trust in God, then nothing or no one else should be able to thwart us.

That’s the way it should be, it’s not the way it always is. 

But, I take heart, because most of us, myself included, find opportunities to witness and share when there is a natural opening to do so. For me, I’ve found chances to talk about my faith have arisen simply out of people’s curiosity about my involvement in Disciple Class; my reading, studying and discussions of the Bible with others.  I’ve heard things like, “I could never get through the Bible, it’s so boring!”, or, “I tried, I really did, but I couldn’t get past Genesis.  I mean, seriously?  People actually believe that stuff happened?” or, “What about science?  I would love to believe in God, but I’m a scientist!” or, “Leviticus?  Really? That is SO out of touch with my reality!”  And so on.  “Hey, I’ve been there, too,” I tell them.  “Fairly recently, too.”

About three years ago, right around the time we returned to church, I decided, having never done so, that it was time to read the Bible.  Yes sir, I was going to pick up one of the various versions I had stuffed in our bookshelf (kind of ironic, in hindsight, that two people who had not had anything to do with God in the past thirty years still had quite the collection of Bibles in their house!) and get busy!  My first attempt was with a King James Version.  Not, mind you, a NEW King James Version, but the OLD King James Version.  Not surprisingly, I couldn’t get past Genesis 1.  After putting that down with some disappointment, I recalled there was a version out there called The Message; the Bible in plain, modern day language.  That sounded good to me, so I purchased one through Amazon.com.  When it arrived, I eagerly opened it up, raring to get going on my quest to read the Bible.  Guess what?  I couldn’t make it through the book of Genesis.  Although the language was easier to understand, I fell into one of the thought process mentioned above, that this stuff just couldn’t have happened.  I was taking things entirely too literally, and, as such, was discarding the message itself.

Thankfully, a few month later, our church offered a Disciple I class (the first in the Disciple series).  Although it was a major commitment of 36 weeks  of class and daily reading (sometimes amounting to an hour a day, depending on that week’s lesson), both Mark and I signed up for it in September of 2012 and our lives began to change.

Having gone through this transformation (which, by the way, is still in process), I am now convinced that a Bible novice should never attempt to read the Bible on their own for the simple fact it can be flat out discouraging.  Some people will fail with the Old Testament but find comfort in the New Testament; you know, along comes Jesus to make everything better. Plus, much of the New Testament is more familiar to most of us.  But, having gone through reading the Bible in a guided, structured and purposeful way, I can see that, by skipping the Old Testament and getting to “the good stuff”, too much can be lost in translation. We may find ourselves giggling or rolling our eyes through all the debates of circumcision vs. no circumcision of the gentiles in Acts, because we don’t understand the importance or the symbolism of the argument.  Or, if you’ve not muddled through the Prophets, the importance of what is cited in the later Gospel and the references to Jesus can be totally missed.  Not to mention, understanding who wrote what, the time in which certain books were written, the history of the Israelites and of their country; is really needed to put everything into perspective.

Circling back to sharing The Good News, I’ve found most folks are pretty fascinated when I tell them what I’ve learned by studying the Bible.  I’m not preaching at them, I’m sharing my experience, and that is a big difference.  A huge difference.

As we wrapped up our study the other night, we were discussing what our next class might be.  Disciple III (which is an intense study of the Prophets)?  Or, maybe a new study entirely entitled Covenant?  What would get others interested?  We joked that perhaps we should suggest an offering of Disciple Lite or, maybe even (thinking of the popular yellow self-help books) Disciples for Dummies!

Although I know there is still much for me to learn about the Bible (there’s no wonder some people spend their entire life studying it), if someone who’d never heard of the Bible said to me, 

“Wow, I’ve never heard about the Bible, what’s it about?” I’d say,

“It’s the story of God and His never-ending love  for us.”

“Really?  And what did you get out of it?”

“Love God.  Love one another.  The End”.

Mrs. B

Next Up:  Love God

Day 45 Good Friday -- Convicted But Not Condemned

Awhile back, maybe even before we rejoined the church, I was sitting in my hairstylist’s chair listening to her talk about her relationship with her husband.  This was not the first time she’d shared with me about him; seems like they have a difficult time of it on occasion.  This particular day, she was telling me about an argument they’d had over something or another and how, in the midst of it, he muttered a few words to her that apparently stopped her in mid-sentence.  As she explained it to me; “Like, what he said made me totally stop what I was saying because I was, like, totally convicted.  You know?  I mean, C-O-N-V-I-C-T-E-D!  So, like, I had to totally apologize to him and admit that I was like, totally convicted”. Yes, she really does speak this way; all in a rush and full of enthusiasm. I recall being a bit bemused, at that point in time not really understanding what she was going on about with being “convicted”.  Frankly, it didn’t sound that great to me; bringing to mind standing in front of a judge and having the book thrown at you for some crime or another.

A few years and many hours of Bible study and discussion later, I realize that I did have it partially correct but, like so many people, I mistook one “C” word for another and went down a much harsher path with it than I should have.

What she was expressing to me was this; what her husband said to her made her realize (at least in that moment) that he was right about something and she was wrong.  She was, in essence, guilty as charged, which is why she admitted to being convicted.  If you follow the courtroom scene I was thinking of, this makes sense.  You do something wrong.  You are found guilty.  You are convicted.  And, hopefully, you serve your sentence and learn something from the experience.  Certainly, this is what society desires for those who screw up enough to end up in prison; that they’ll eventually come out the other side having learned a valuable lesson, ready to contribute to the good of all.  The fact that we as a society don’t make this very easy to accomplish is disheartening.  What happens more often than not is the person is not just convicted, they are written off as a matter of course. 

They are condemned.  

And what do most condemned people do?  They lose hope.  They think their life has no purpose.  They give up on everything and everyone, including themselves. 

I don’t know many people who have spent time in a physical prison, but I know plenty who have spent too much time in prisons of other sorts.  I’ve hung out in some myself and I put myself there.  We all do.

My primary prison has been what I’ve come to think of as The Prison of Perfection.  On the surface, it doesn’t sound like such a bad place but it’s full of false facades, useless stairwells that go nowhere and hidden trap doors.  In short, it’s a deceptively evil place to be. In plain English, I have to guard against wanting everything to be perfect.  A no brainer, you’d think, since, logically, this just can’t be.  Yet, this desire sneaks up on me and either fills me with envy, coveting and dissatisfaction; or, worse; discouragement, despair and (ultimately) depression.

I’ve been trying very hard these past few weeks to not complain, which means I’ve worked on focusing on the positive aspect of every situation.  To be sure, I’ve had some challenges during this Lenten Journey; however, it’s not necessarily been these that have caused me to stumble in my resolve, likely because I’ve been fully aware of them and so have been “armed” to deal with my reaction.  No, one or two times, something has happened that caught me unawares and my resulting behavior was something less to be desired.  I illustrate the following because it’s a “perfect” example of what the trap of desiring perfection in oneself can result in.

Our Disciple class meets Wednesday nights.  Mr. B is co-leading the class with our friend Tracey; they’ve been alternating back and forth between who leads, which mainly means, they follow the leader’s guide’s instructions in order to cover pertinent points and to keep the discussion on track.  Since we’ve been meeting with this group almost two years, we’re really more like a big bunch of friends hanging out discussing the Bible than an actual class.  Anyway, this past Wednesday, Tracey was supposed to lead, which was a good thing since Mr. B was going to be a CPA-Zombie (it being the day after tax day).  A few days before, Tracey told Mr. B she wasn’t going to be there since she had all three of her grandkids visiting.  She knew this might put him in a difficult spot, so, she suggested I lead the class.  Mr. B asked me, “How would you like to lead Disciple on Wednesday?” and explained to me why.  For whatever reason (I can only plead my own share of tiredness and frustration), this irritated me and I did not react graciously to the request.  After ranting for a while about how unfair it was that Tracey should think I had nothing better to do than prepare for a class on top of everything else I was already doing, I went into pout mode and Mr. B took himself wearily off to bed.

Well, after sitting by myself in the kitchen for a few moments, a deep sense of shame washed over me.  I mean, we’d just been studying in our previous Disciple class about answering the call when it came, and here I’m offered an opportunity to lead our group (a very safe environment, too) in a discussion about God’s word, and I acted like a two year old.  I saw Tracey’s suggestion that I lead was, in actuality, a compliment, a voice of confidence in me that I could do it; not a suggestion that I was sitting around eating bon-bons and needed something Godly to do.  I got up and went into the bedroom and told a half asleep Mr. B that I’d be happy to do it.

I should have felt better, but I didn’t.  I spent the better part of the night beating myself up for my terrible behavior.  I felt like I not only let Mr. B down, but God down, too.  Maybe I’d just never get this “Christian” thing right, after all.  I would never be perfect at it, I was always going to screw up so why bother?  I was condemning myself to be complete failure; preparing myself to give up.

The next morning I woke up still agitated with myself.  I sat down to do my morning prayers, devotional readings, and Bible study.  After telling God during the “confessional” part of my prayer routine what a total schmuck I was (as if He didn’t already know what I’d done), I opened up that day’s reading from The Upper Room, which was a woman from Georgia comparing her daughter’s frustration with learning to play the piano with the frustrations Christians feel when they fail.  She wrote, “Sometimes we set unrealistic expectations for our faith.  We accept Christ as our Savior and think we should instantly have perfect lives…But just like playing the piano, maturing in faith takes practice.  Faith is like a muscle that needs to be worked in order to grow and stay strong.  The more we read the Bible and spend time with God in prayer, the stronger we become in our faith”.

I was discouraged, despairing (of myself) and bordering on being depressed, yet I took the time that morning to be with God, and this is what “just happened” to be in the reading for that specific day.  Further, this is what my other devotional, “Jesus Calling”, told me that same morning:

“Trust me in every detail of your life.  Nothing is random in My Kingdom.  Everything that happens fits into a pattern for good, to those who love Me…Even your mistakes and sins can be recycled into something good, through My transforming grace”. 

Which made me think of Romans 8:1-2: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death”.

In other words, yes, I screwed up.  I knew it, I was convicted of it and I made the best out of it by reversing course.  No need to condemn myself, to give up. 

Guess who wants me to do that? 

Our Pastor said once that he answered the question, “What would you do if you knew you would not fail?” with “I’ll be a Christian even though I know that I will fail”. 

God does not want perfection.  He wants persistence.  He knows we’re going to screw up, He just doesn’t want us to give up. 

Convicted?  Maybe.  Condemned?  Never. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life”.  John 3:16

Because of the cross, I will choose persistence.

Mrs. B 

Give and Take -- Day Two

Another thought for consideration is this.  Lent doesn’t necessarily have to be all about giving something up, it can also be centered on adding something, or doing things differently.  Taking on.  Perhaps that works better for some, the idea of adding rather than subtracting. Good examples of this are “I am giving up watching T.V. for one hour per night and I will spend that hour doing “X” instead”.  Maybe “X” is a healthy physical activity or spending quality time with a spouse or family member or focusing on one’s spiritual growth by reading scripture.

Two years ago, I gave up Facebook for Lent.  Initially, I received a lot of flak about it (“I thought you were supposed to give up booze or red meat or candy for Lent!”) but I didn’t listen because I knew it was going to be tough for me. And, it was. There was quite a bit of reasoning behind why I chose to do this, not the least being, it seemed to me that I was spending far too much time on Facebook.  Yes, I might scoff at those who are enraptured with watching “Dancing with the Stars” or “American Idol”, but, of course, that would make me a hypocrite, wouldn’t it?  When it all comes down to it, a little bit of certain things is an indulgence, more than a little bit could possibly mean an idol.  Ok, ok; no one is worshipping golden calves here, but the more a person studies the Bible, the love story of God’s chosen people and their covenant relationship with Him, the more you realize that idols are really anything that keeps you from honoring God.  Is Facebook evil?  Is T.V. evil?  Is reading romance novels evil?  It’s all wrapped up in what else you are doing in and with your life. 

Anyway.  Two years ago, I was successful in my Lenten Journey.  Afterwards, I had all sorts of interesting insights into the experience, as well as ideas on how I would approach my relationship with Facebook (and other social media) in the future.  If you’re curious,  read this.  I’ll tell you up front, I’m being totally honest by divulging this entry to you because, after you read it, you’ll realize that, although I was successful in giving up Facebook for Lent, I haven’t exactly kept all of my promises.  I’m wondering if this might sound familiar to some of you.  We try, we succeed.  We screw up.  We’re forgiven.  We keep trying because we’ve been forgiven.  Or, as one of my Pastors would say, “We just keep swimming”.

Back to the give and take.  If you give something up, it sort of stands to reason that by filling the void with something else, you don’t miss what you gave up quite so much.  When people are attempting to quit smoking, they might replace the cigarette in their fingers with a carrot stick or pretzel rod.  Or, they may find ways to fill the time that they would have spent smoking by taking a long walk or going to see a movie.  Someone facing the end to a relationship may find themselves seeking out other people to spend time with so they are not lonely.

With regards to Lent, I think it makes perfect sense that, when you give something up, you should be replacing it with something that will bring you closer to God.  In this, the possibilities are endless, limited only by our imaginations and our pride. Heck, even if a person chooses not to give anything up, there isn’t any reason why they couldn’t simply add a new behavior for this period of time.

Last year, I gave up alcohol for Lent.  Although it wasn’t always easy, especially when dining out or when we had company, it wasn’t dreadful, either.  I wanted to see that I could do it (probably not a bad thing for all folks who drink alcohol to try from time to time) and I did lean heavily on Jesus during this time lest I be tempted.  However, a few weeks in, and I wasn’t even thinking about it overly much.  Believe it or not, given up Facebook proved more challenging.

So here I am in 2014 and once again, I’ve decided to eliminate Facebook from my life until Easter.  Why?  Because it’s still a stumbling block; it remains too much of a time suck.  Although I like to believe that my on-line persona has improved in her kindness towards others, I’m still a long way from exhibiting grace. Giving up Facebook this time, however, is a tad trickier because much of what I do on my phone and laptop is automatically connected with Facebook; plus, it’s still my number one go to place to get connected with my family and friends.  Sad, but true.  I find myself wondering if, like two years ago, I’ll pass the next month and a half in relative solitude since people seem to have forgotten how to call or email or text (let alone read my Blog!); yet, I am reminded of the duality of this (and the subject of this post):  I am giving Facebook up but I am using that time to do other (hopefully) God-pleasing activities.  “Give me the desire to obey your laws…keep me from paying attention to what is worthless”.  Psalm 119:36-37 (TEV).

Mrs. B

Up Next:  Let No Evil Talk Come Out of Your Mouth

He'll Meet You Wherever You Are: Conclusion

After that first evening at Harvest, this is what I recorded in my journal:

“Went to church for the first time in ~ 30 years tonight. I saw an ad in a local paper for this church, Harvest Methodist.  They’re doing a sermon series addressing many of the areas about church/religion/organized religion that I’ve had problems with.  So, we decided to try it and it wasn’t awful.  Frankly, I think it’s a good place to start to re-explore…what?  My faith?  Not sure I’ve ever had any.  To find something?  That is probably more like it.  Certainly, it’ll be a way to get to know people, at the very least.  All I know is this.  I have to do something different.  I can’t live my life looking forward only to vacations and getting pissed off when things don’t go right (or my way).  I‘d like to be a nicer, kinder person, certainly, a better wife.  Well, we’ll see.  We went, and I think we’ll go back next Thursday”.

And we did go back the following Thursday (eventually switching to one of the Sunday services); and the rest, as they say, is history!

From weekly worship to gradually becoming involved in multiple Bible studies and other ministries, to volunteering to serve communion once a month to supporting other church activities, the two of us have most decidedly found a church home.  Not that it’s all been easy because at times it’s been very painful facing ourselves, some of the things we’ve done (or not done), and forgiving other people who we thought we’d never be able to forgive.

It’s also been a challenge interacting with people from our lives who, if not thinking we’ve gone totally off the deep end, are, at the very least, indulging us with symbolic pats on our backs and a “There, there, there; if it makes you happy, I’m happy for you!” Still harder for me has been what to say to THEM.  It’s true; those who are on fire for God, who’ve recently joined The God Squad; want to spread the word; want others to understand and feel the same way.  However, over time, I am learning that this is not really my job or responsibility;  I mean, I can share what I feel called to share, but in the end, it’s up to them what they chose to do with it.  I’ll leave that up to God and these individuals to work it out (or not).

I’m in the middle of a study now where the author is discussing how there can really be no transformation (in a person’s life) without there first being a revelation.  When I look back on all that’s occurred in the past two years, and, most importantly, meditate on who Amy was then versus now, I can see how all these little changes here and there have added up to a transformation. 

A while ago, a dear friend of mine, whom I was associated with in the years I was married to my first husband and therefore I was then not in any way, shape or form associated with God, asked me the following:

Amy, how did you get to the point you are right now spiritually? I know I'm on my way, but you seemed to get it right away. Maybe I am just too negative of a person. Any suggestions?

Ok, the fact she was asking ME this question in and of itself is pretty rocking amazing!  Here is what I said, and it’s what I’d say to anyone desiring a closer relationship with God:

Wow, what a question and a great one, too. I think the fact you are asking the question is a wonderful testament to your desire to grow in your faith. It's so interesting that you asked me this NOW, because I'm in the middle of a new study at church where we've been reflecting on exactly this; where we are today vs. "before". I think for most of us, as with most things, change/growth simply does not happen overnight. It begins with small adjustments and tweaks we make that at the time may not seem like much, but, when we look back, we can begin to see how they've built upon one another and grown to the point where we eventually are changed in significant ways. The author of the book explained it this way; "It's like watching a tendril of ivy as it starts out. If you stare at it, it doesn't do much, but if you go back every week or so to check its progress, you can see its growth. And, when you look at it a year or two or three later, it's totally taken over the wall". Speaking for me now, this was the right time for me to be planted. It's not that I never had the opportunity before to embrace God, I just chose not to. Two years ago was my time and I desired it. I think that's the most important thing. A person has to desire it. No amount of someone trying to coax you into it will help (I'm learning that, too!) YOU need to be ready. I am extremely blessed in that my husband was as eager as I to begin this journey. That's not to say someone cannot do this if their significant other (or family/friends) aren't coming along because I've met plenty of folks who attend church and yet their families do not. It's just easier, is all. Also, we found THE BEST church and church family. I can't stress how important this has been for us. THE BEST in every possible way. We walked in and have never left. For two people that hadn't been to church (save for life events) in 30 years, that's incredible in and of itself. If you haven't already, find a church where you feel at home. And GO. Yes, of course life happens and we can't always attend, but, try to go. Also, get involved in and with The Word. Go to Sunday School. Join a  Bible study or join another team that speaks to your talents. Attend some of the special events your church might put on, like Advent or Good Friday services. Serve. Help out at events, offer to serve communion. Join a ministry team. All of this, little by little, bit by bit, opens your heart, mind and soul to receive God's Word and do His will. And PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY. However and whenever you can. Everyone does this in their own way and there is no wrong way. Even if all you do at first is recite The Lord's Prayer or read Psalms or recite back scripture you may have memorized, it's all praying/talking to God. One of our Pastors has a fantastic model to follow for growing in faith which he encourages all of us to try. 40.20.10. Be in worship 40 weeks out of the year. Read the Bible 20 days of the month. Pray 10 minutes per day. It's easy to remember and very doable. And remember, Christ desires perseverance, not perfection. Some days will still be not very good days; sometimes your attitude may not be what you want it to be. That's ok. Keep trying! As our other Pastor says, "Just. Keep. Swimming!" The fact that you are asking ME this question is just another wonderful example of how God works. 

  

And the revelation that had to occur before any of my transformation occur?  It came in the form of a toss away newspaper that I didn’t even look at most of the time.  God revealed Himself to me in a message series that spoke to MY heart; that addressed all of my excuses for not going to church; for not opening the door to a relationship with Him.  

God met me where I was, and He led me home. 

Mrs. B

He'll Meet You Wherever You Are: Part Two

When my stepmother passed away in March of 2011, I recall calling my older sister and talking to her about her death.  I was, quite understandably, very upset and very emotional.  I was crying and I remember my sister asked me, “Do you believe in Jesus”?  I was gulping for air and I said I did; but, frankly, I was later mad at her for bringing Jesus up at a time like this.  Why?  Because I thought that she was doing so not because she really wanted me to know and love Jesus, but because she wanted to convert me.  Later, she did a few more things that totally pissed me off so that I found myself thinking “Ha, some Christian she is!” The thing is; her questions? They were another seed.

So, back to the message series at the local church (which turned out to be Harvest United Methodist). I showed the paper with the advertisement from the church  to my husband.  I told him this church was literally five minutes away from us and what did he think?  Didn’t it look interesting?  He took it, read it, and without hesitation said, “Sure, we can go if you want”. I don’t remember what day that was; it may have been a Friday, because we began discussing if we should go that coming Sunday.  We initially decided to go, but by Saturday night, I was already having second thoughts about the whole thing.  I mean, SUNDAY?  That’s tomorrow!  I don’t know, maybe I don’t want to do this? 

One of the great things about my husband is, he’s not a pusher.  Ok, maybe he wasn’t sure, either; come to find out he had his own very personal reasons for avoiding church, but, when I got cold feet, he didn’t argue with me.  So, we did not go that Sunday but I just couldn’t get that message series out of my head.  I WANTED to know what they were going to say.  I wanted to believe that there were people who believed in God who were not judgmental.  And, there was also the whole “getting to know people” thing that we’d promised each other we’d do.  And, in all honesty, I was beginning to wonder what exactly I was going to do with the second part of my life, now that I’d seemingly “done it all”.  So, I next told him I thought we should go to their Thursday night service.  An hour, was all.  Maybe it wouldn’t be very crowded, either; we wouldn’t have to deal with a lot of people and if we didn’t  go back, not that many folks would have seen us there.  I’m serious; this is what was running through my mind when we decided to try to go that coming Thursday! 

This time, we went.  Thursday September 29^th 2011.  A bright, sunny afternoon and the parking lot at the church was relatively empty (whew, I thought).  We walked up to the doors of the church and before we reached them, they were thrown open by a man and a woman with big smiles on their faces.  “Welcome to Harvest!”, they said.  We were both a bit taken aback by their cheerfulness but (when we reflected on it later), it was genuine. It was pretty quiet inside the gathering area of the church; only a handful of other people there.  The lady, Nancy, asked us if this was our first time at Harvest because I’m sure all first time people have the same look in on their faces that we did; a mixture of uncertainty, shock, deer in the headlights, and resolve.  Yes, yes, we said and we spent a few moments with them telling them about us and why we were there (the draw of the message series).  They themselves were not attending that evening’s service but were helping out with one of the children’s ministries.  They introduced us to the youth minister/music coordinator and off we went with him.  From there, we happened to meet Steve, one of the Pastor, and chatted with him a bit before heading in for the service. 

One of the things I remember the most about that evening, other than who we met, was my doggedness in refusing to take communion.  I told my husband that I wasn’t ready to do that and I felt it would be fake to get up there and take communion when I’d not set foot in  a church for 30 years.  Not that I felt my husband was being fake by deciding to do so; it was a very personal feeling.  That evening’s message centered on  when Christians say the wrong thing.  Oh, boy.  Catherine, the other Pastor led the service and I remember being extremely nervous and uncomfortable, but at the same time, totally interested in what she had to say.  Lastly, one of the songs sung that night was one I’ve come to love called “Cry Out to Jesus” by Third Day and the line that stuck with me all the entire night was “He’ll meet you wherever you are”.  

To Be Continued!

Mrs. B