Monday, June 22, 2009

Mr. B-ism

My SIL's sister (does that make her my SIL once removed?) Melissa and now my SIL from time time (Analee) do this thing on their Blogs called "isms". Most of the time, they are telling (very cute) stories about their children. From time to time; the isms are about someone else.
Anyway, I've got a Mr. B-ism that I really want to share (even if it doesn't cast me in the best of lights).
So, yeah. Aging gracefully is something I continue to struggle with. Hey, what can I say? I'll admit it, I'm vain with a capital V (although this nasty condition has abated somewhat since I quit my career six years ago).
Anyway, in addition to always feeling fat (feeling is different from being but probably just as awful a condition for me), I've taken to noticing all the other wonderful signs of getting older, that, short of Botox or expensive cosmetic surgery, I'm really just gonna have to deal with them and be happy I'm healthy and have my sanity.
One that's caught my eye lately is what is known as "crepey skin". What this is, for those of you who are either a) young women and haven't yet experienced the horror of its arrival) or b) men (who don't notice things like this) is your skin, in certain places (probably varies by woman) looks like crepe paper. You know, the stuff used to make party streamers and such. It's just an unfortunate side effect of both getting older, and, if one has spent too much unprotected time in the sun, it's usually worse.

Of course, all the cosmetic and lotion companies out there know EXACTLY how stuff like this impacts women as, even Aveeno (a relatively low-key brand regarding targeting women's physical insecurities, unlike, say L'Oreal, who are constantly trying to sell women a dog that won't hunt) has a body lotion called "Positively Ageless". I saw an ad for this in a magazine and was browsing the list of problem areas it supposedly addresses within two weeks. One of them jumped out of the page at me; "Reduces the crepey appearance of skin" (or something to that affect).
Ok, I KNOW these products are bull shit. I KNOW it KNOW it KNOW it, but, yeah, I was hooked like a trout.
So, I bought a tube of it. Has it worked? Probably not because the areas my eyes jump to every time I look in the mirror still look the same. But, it's nice lotion, anyway.
Ok, I'm getting to my Mr. B-ism!
Ever since I've noticed this crepey skin syndrome, I have added it to my repertoire of complaints about my body; you know, along side of "I'm fat", "I feel fat", "I hate my hair", "I've got a Honky Tonk Badankadonk", that kind of stuff. Mr. B hears it all the time. He usually rolls his eyes and dutifully replies: "You are not fat". "Your hair looks fine". "I like your butt", etc.
However, this new one, "I look crepey!" apparently has had him a bit flummoxed as he's not said too much in response to it.
So, Saturday, on our way to Petsmart to show off The Greek Gang, I felt particularly gross. Don't ask me why I cared; I was going to Petsmart, not to a party or something!
Anyway, I was going through my litany of "I am, I feel, I hate, " etc.
Mr. B walks up to me, takes me by the shoulders, turns me around to look at him, gives me a sweet kiss and says kindly, looking deeply into my eyes:
"You are not fat!"
"You look just fine in those shorts!"
"I like your hair today!"
And, finally (here comes the "ism")
"You do not look creepy!"
I just looked at him for a second before it dawned on me; he thought I had been saying "I look CREEPY", not, "I look CREPEY".
I just busted up, then, I explained to him what I'd been saying (he still looked perplexed, but rolled his eyes again and shrugged).
So, now, I think, I should tell him, whenever I go through my routine, just simply answer, "You don't look creepy" and that'll probably set me to giggling and I'll forget the whole thing!
Mrs. B


Melissa said...

SO funny! This one had me giggling too.

You do NOT look creepy :-)

Margot said...

First comment: you've married a sweetheart!

2nd: Time moves on. If we don't move with it, we're dead.

3rd: My mom had serious organ drop problems in her 60s & told me that her MD told her, "Mrs. Cahalane, it's all a matter of gravity."

Grandma C's problem is a no brainer today. But the bottom line is that stuff drops.... skin, boobs, arms, legs & etc.

Most important... we're still alive & we're having fun.

Analee said...

my grandma got crepey skin in her 60s. she spent every day of her life outside, with no sunscreen, though she did wear hats and longsleeves. (she worked a farm!) same with my dad. i could see the crepes a little before he got his third bout with basil cell carcinoma, and when he had to use that cream on his face that ate away his skin, the new growth didn't look as crepey.

now, though, i can smell him before i can see him. the man wears a lot of sunblock. that makes me happy. i think that skin-eating-cream did it for him. it was painful. sunblock stinks and is greasy, but it doesn't hurt (unless you get it in your eyes).

anyway, you can always get a facelift. one day, i probably will. just like one day i'll probably get a tummy tuck and a boob job. because i want to for myself. and because i want to look hot for my husband when i get old[er] and done with having kids (not that you can tell it right now, obviously, since i'm quite rounded at the moment...)

but margot is right, you did marry a sweetheart. he didn't even know what you were talking about and already he was trying to ease your worries!!!

this was definitely the perfect topic for an -ism!!!