Reflection on 2018

Journaling aside, I keep a daily list of "thankfuls".  These little books are ways to remind myself, at-a-glance, what I'm grateful for, but also serve as a chronicle of events.  Even if they are not always explicitly listed, I am also reminded of a few challenges here and there throughout the year.  Here, then, are a few highlights.  Oh, and since I'm not really going into much detail, elaborating, analyzing, etc., I suppose this is more of a listing, not a reflection.  Reflection sounds better, though!

January

Safe travels and good visits with family (Father) and friends (John and Mary).  Successfully used Uber for the first time!  Hesed's eyelash surgery was successful.  Wonderful messages at church.  Letters from Ann.  Mom got good results at Duke.  Tutoring Giovell.  Plenty of opportunities to work on not getting annoyed.  Fellowship with friends (Bill and Sybil, Carolyn). Gearing up for tax season.

February

The beginning of another Stephen Minister Training Class.  Mark's x-ray was clear.  Hesed doing fine staying in the office by herself (uncrated).  Hanging in the midst of unknowing.  Mom B was able to see Aunt Judy before she passed.  

March

Thankful my brain allows me to memorize scripture.  My orchid is blooming.  Long walks in the sunshine with Hesed.  Spending time with family (Mike, Kim, and Mom B).  Texting with Cailyn.  Flowers from "The Boss".  Heard from all my parents.  Letter from Mark Neil (sponsored child in the Philippines).  Match Day!  14 years!  So much opportunity for grace, growth, and forgiveness.  Talking with a sweet little boy in our neighborhood.

April

Good to see Jon and the girls.  God put me here to help others.  Dad's results were good.  Heard from Kathy.  Time with Mom B.  Father's generosity.  Chicken burritos!  Made it through another tax season.  New water heater.  Weekends to putter, ride bikes, nap, and go out to dinner.  Days like today make me grateful for other days.  A lovely Stephen Ministry retreat.  Commissioning Sunday.

May

Safe travels to/from Father's; Hesed warmed up to him.  Able to work on Lucy's Book.  Josh and Josette set their wedding date (9/15/19).  Meeting our new neighbor Debbie and her yellow Lab Jazz.

Survived my dental cleaning.  Good neighbors stepping in to help out with the cats.  Safe travels to Ft. Lauderdale and Cancun.  Happy not to be that arguing couple.  Did not look at my To Do List.  Thankful for contemplative practices to calm my furies.  Wonderful message at church:  Be Bold!

June

Letter from Shaleen.  Bike ride and floating in the pool.  Lovely lunch and time with Mom.  Wonderful time catching up with Gracie.  Lovely day at Selby Gardens with Sybil and Sherrie.

Spending Father's Day with Father.  Caring people.  Cailyn's visit.  Pete able to get help from Dr. Bonda.  Family time.

July

Pete pooped!  Mom and Dad's kind offer to stay at our house.   Spiritual retreat together at Green Bough.  Peaceful during prayer.  Safe travels for family.  Loved, Happy, Kind, Generous = Amy.

Cailyn said, "You're my mom, too!"  Nice lunch with Carolyn.  Mom is still cancer free!  Not hurt when the bed collapsed.  A good Stephen Leader meeting.  Time alone.  I think I learned a valuable lesson from "Mr. Mikey".  Nice visit with John and Mary.

August

My biopsy = not cancer!  Left the rat race 15 years ago.  No regrets!  Pesky clients "fired" us, LOL.

Wonderful visit with friends in California; safe travels.  Able to see our Cruising Friends in St. Pete.

Letter from Ester (sponsored child in Indonesia). Good grounding talk with Sybil.  They caught Dad's blood clot before it was a problem.  Mom B and Boopie beginning a new adventure together.  8 mile bike ride.  

September

Good day working together on the lanai.  Earlier morning walk; pink/blue sunrise.  Beautiful. Nice replies to Card Blast email.  We do have friends here!  Talking with Father.  Re-joined the Y.  Afternoon nap.  Saw Erica in the Publix parking lot.  Wine time with Momma.  Mr. Roger's movie.  Date night at Speak's.  Mark watched "The Wizard of Oz" with me.  Holding Dad's hand.  Sybil is cancer free.  Another good visit with Father.  Disciple 3.

October

Fantastic 50th anniversary celebration weekend for Mom and Dad!  Grateful doctors are mindful of Mark's health.  Care and concern from friends.  Making "final plans" = huge relief (NCS).  Scripture eased anxiety.  Meeting Richard Foster.  Male care receivers!  Pete finally pooped.  New phone.  Mark's Mission Moment.  Mom and Dad = safe travels.   So many friends at church.  Caring people at River Landing.  

November

Beautiful painting of Lucy by Carolyn.  People looking out for others.  Able to see Steve Ross!  Celebrity Equinox!  Spending time with Terry.  Cailyn here for an entire week for Thanksgiving!

Family time.  New places.  Happy Proposal Day!

December

Ann doing well.  Hanging of the Greens.  House all nicely decorated.  Good trip to Father's.

Watching silly Christmas movies.  Sweet "new" nutcracker from Cissie.  Nice Stephen Ministry party at Bill and Sybil's.   Pretty mirrors.  Cailyn got Charlotte!  Hope and Healing Service went well.  Fantastic #55 birthday celebration weekend!  Dad safe from his procedure.  Kevin's visit.  Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Party with our neighbors.  NYE at Mom and Dad's with Mom B and The Porters.  Safely home!

Mrs. B

Renovations

It seems I’ve spent the majority of my life in a stage of renovation. It began at twelve, when I morphed, ostensibly overnight, from a pudgy and picked-on child, into a slender, long-legged teenager with bedroom eyes.  I wasn’t, and have never been, a conventional beauty; but as my best friend used to assure me, I was exotic; a hot house flower held up against the delicate loveliness of, say, a rose.  For a while, this was pretty much all that mattered to  me as I played the part of a Southern California party girl.  Yet, it was truly a role.  I had smarts, savvy and, thanks to my parents, a decent enough college education (if not the highest GPA in the world, because, well, the party girl thing routinely got in the way of my studies). 

It took several years, the onset of maturity, and the humiliation of realizing that my Father felt the best he could hope for would be for me to land a secretarial job at a good company and marry my boss, that finally motivated me into shedding that happy-go-lucky persona and focus on evolving into someone my parents could be proud of:  an independent and reasonably successful career woman.  Along the way, I got slightly side-tracked by my first husband, whose job he felt it was to turn me into someone else; mainly, someone who idol worshipped him. Still, during the ten or so years of our marriage, I managed to further my career. Eventually, I and the (ex) husband went our separate ways and  I entered into the subsequent revamp:  DWF/mid-thirties/corporate director/living “the life” in  Los Angeles.

Anyone who believes that this was glamorous  has never lived it because it wasn’t.  It meant routine sixty plus hours in the office and many others working from home.  It meant a lot of travel with the majority of it being to nowhere in the least bit exciting.  It meant countless meetings, presentations, problems to be solved, company politics to contend with, stress-filled days and nights, difficulty sleeping, and loneliness.  Ah, the loneliness.  I could buy all the Jimmy Choo shoes I wanted and I drove a sweet little BMW, but I was lonely. All of my family had moved back east of the Mississippi.  I did have friends in California, but most of them lived several hours away.  The few people from work that I’d somehow managed to bond with were just as busy as I was, so opportunities to get together were infrequent.  This left me, in the rare times that I was not absorbed with projects and deadlines, floundering about; and, as the song goes, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.”  So, on the outside I had it all; in reality, I didn’t have much at all, except my two aging cats.

The fall of 2001 ushered in an extremely dark period.  One incident after another sent me into a tailspin of behavior which can only be described as risky at best, dangerous and life threatening in reality; eventually culminating in what was the absolute worst night of my life.  Although what occurred that night and its aftermath consumed me for many months to follow, it’s not what happened that matters so much as that it defined my next renovation; the one that would completely change the trajectory of my life:  I decided that I would leave my job, go to Italy, take a total immersion language course, and see what happened next.  That’s it.  That was my blueprint! 

Despite how glorious and brave it may have seemed to those I left behind, those living vicariously through me and hoping for “Under the Tuscan Sun”  or “Eat, Pray, Love” movie moments, the truth of the matter is, my six weeks in Italy were a mostly lonely and painful experience.  My “newly sprung from the prison life of career” self struggled daily with who I was now going to be; and I questioned myself and my sanity.   A lot.  Why did I, at only age 39, abandon a prestigious job, uproot myself and go half-way around the world to learn a language that I’d probably never use again (I haven’t), and live in conditions (a rented apartment) that were reminiscent of my starving student college days?  I didn’t take any trappings of my former life with me to Italy; no French tip nails, only one small suitcase of very serviceable clothes (which I promptly loathed after seeing all of the beautiful Italian fashions), and no BMW (I walked everywhere).  No one there knew who I was, least of all, me.  But, there were moments of fulfilment and flashes of realization that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, even though I didn’t know exactly what that was.

That was 15 years ago now; when I did what a therapist (whom I’m convinced now was an angel in disguise, or at least channeling his inner Glinda from “The Wizard of Oz”) suggested:  “Get off the hamster wheel and walk out of the cage you put yourself into.  No one is stopping you but you.”  I think, in hindsight, that I chose to abscond to Italy to be in neutral ground for this battle between my old  and  new selves.  I enrolled in  the immersion course because that part of me that will always be me had to be doing something productive.  The challenge there was not to let learning the language get in the way of learning who I was to be.  Italy, as it turned out, was  the bridge from one life to the next. 

Was I whisked off by a wealthy Italian man? No, I was not.  I went back to California, sold my condo, and moved to Durham North Carolina simply because my brothers lived there.  Within two months of arriving, however, I met my now husband of 12 years; not an Italian Adonis, but a New Yorker and a CPA. I’ve dabbled in various self-improvement and volunteer activities such as teaching English as a second language and did some consulting work (more as a favor to an old friend than any other reason). I’ve never really re-entered the rat race. I am, however, a minority partner in my husband’s tax and accounting firm and support him; I suppose you could say “work for him”,   during tax season.  I think of my Father’s fear from so many years ago that the best I might do would be to marry my boss, and the irony of this makes my toes curl in delight. 

The truth is, we almost always have before us opportunities  to renovate ourselves.  We use whatever resources we have at hand to do so,  and we ask for help from those nearby when we can’t do it by ourselves.  Sometimes a renovation begins from a clear personal vision, other times the opening falls into our laps a la “When the student is ready the teacher appears”; and  still other times it emerges from a period of darkness  and confusion.  Yet, it emerges. 

I mentioned my experience in Italy was painful because growth is painful. However, I was not always unhappy, because one cannot be in such a beautiful country and be miserable 100% of the time.  There were moments when I would stumble across something so simple yet incredibly beautiful that I’d just have to stop and take it in.  These “simple things of beauty” had also existed in my life in Southern California,  I was just too empty there to see them. 

After Italy, I believed, wrongly, that I’d never be confused or at sea again. In reality, there would be many more renovations to come.  However,   a poem I wrote while wandering and wondering through Italy has  served  to remind me that, regardless of what chaos may be going on around me in the midst of a messy remodel,  I  always have the choice to embrace serenity and see the beauty in it all.

The Simple Things of Beauty

I used to go so fast

that I never stopped to see

the simple things of beauty

that were there in front of me.

I was on a frantic path,

rushing through each day

the simple things of beauty

were just annoyances in my way

Then one night fate intervened

I thought it was a curse

when my life changed direction

it seemed from bad to worse

Yet it was not misfortune that forced me to reflect

on an existence where all appeared sour

it was a well-timed dose of reality

administered by a higher power

Now I’ve found the determination

to cease the insanity

and to explore with new found courage

the person that I should be

Although each day brings challenges

so many obstacles are still there

my heart is open to the simple things of beauty

and I see them everywhere

Mrs. B

From Now Until Forever From Now: Part Two

Present Day

My husband and I, like many married couples, can speak in a code that no one else understands.  Sometimes it’s non-verbal, as with a particular look or expression (he rolls his eyes when he’s exasperated with me, I get “the look” on my face that my subordinates used to fear).  Often, it’s a single word.  I say “fat”, he knows the expected and desired response is to reply, “You’re not fat!”; he jokes that my gravestone will read “Here lies Amy.  She was not fat.” 

However, there is one thing I can utter that stirs up so much that I can’t always wrap my mind around the emotions that predicated it and those which it later evokes: 

“We’re becoming just like that couple in Charleston.”

Back to the Future

In November of 2003 while still in California, I toyed with the idea of signing up with eHarmony.  I was drawn to this particular on-line matching/dating  company because of their adherence to moral values.  What does that mean?  It means the founder, a Christian doctor named Neil Clark Warren, designed the entire process around the end goal of marriage.  Ok, admittedly at the time I’d strayed from the flock,  but, I still totally agreed with his program, which was both extensive and methodological.  It synced with my brain, I was ok with the time involved and with the cost of joining.  And, yes, I wanted to meet someone to marry, not simply to date and hang out with; I’d had enough of that in the almost four years since divorcing my first husband.  In the end, though, I decided it made more sense to wait until I was living in my new state to start the process of answering the 400+ questions required by eHarmony.

A  month or so before I left California for North Carolina, I wrote this in my journal:

“It seems so hopeless that I’ll ever find someone.  Maybe if I really give up, there he’ll be?  Who is he?  I haven’t a clue except I’m pretty sure I don’t know him yet.”  17 November 2003

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!  How right I was!  No, I didn’t know him yet; and I had no idea that when I arrived in Durham in January of 2004, I would meet my future husband in a mere two and a half months. In hindsight, it’s totally delicious to ponder what the just turned 40 year old me had waiting for her around the next bend.  

Even more delicious:

“So, here I am home again with Nigel and Clyde.  The lonely old woman and her cats.”

29 November 2003

Exactly one  year lately, Mark proposed.

  

An Open Door

My first month or so in Durham was crammed with all the activities one goes through after moving into a new state, a new city, a new residence.  The time literally flew by and before I knew it, it was Valentine’s Day.  While both my brothers and their wives had been more than generous with their time and talents; assisting me in getting settled, showing me around Durham, having me over to their homes or coming over to mine for meals and conversation; it was, after all, Valentine’s Day so it was no surprise that I found myself one again alone and hanging out with my best buds Nigel and Clyde.  I was still smoking (a little) then, so, I recall wandering around my townhouse trying to think of something to do but being in that mood of not wanting to do anything.  I’d go out to the garage or the deck to smoke, then go back in and trudge upstairs to where I was setting up my office and stare at my laptop.  I had a movie to watch, but no enthusiasm for that, either.  What I was experiencing was a good case of the dithers.  I was trying to decide WHAT TO DO; and was distracting myself by thinking I was supposed to do some task like go organize my make-up drawer or hang another picture on the wall. In reality, I was standing before a door that was slowly opening and was avoiding the moment when I’d decide to go through it or not (I recently read a term for this condition by a Princeton University philosopher:  decidophobia).  Well, thank God I finally decided to venture through the door and plunked myself down in front of the laptop to spend roughly two hours completing the questions for eHarmony.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve taken A LOT of what I’ll refer to as “personality tests” over the course of my life with the majority of them being for career development purposes.  To be truthful, I’m not sure I’ve always been 100% truthful when answering the questions.  I think it’s a human tendency to answer in ways that either we believe will make us “sound better” or in ways we think will please others.  Of course, doing this can be an exercise in futility as indicated by the time I completed one of those “Your Ideal Career” surveys and was told I’d make an excellent Park Ranger.  Seriously, I think I actually completed that one fairly honestly, didn’t think the answer suited, then re-took the test feeding it the “appropriate” responses until I got the result I thought everyone would like (Human Resources).  In hindsight, I probably would have loved being a Park Ranger.

So, as I began the eHarmony test, I found myself doing what I’d always done; trying to pick the responses that sounded good.  After about 30 minutes of this, I hit myself upside the head (figuratively) and thought, “What the heck are you doing?  Answer honestly or else who knows who you’ll end up with?”  And so I deleted all my previous answers and started over in anticipation that being truthful, even if it was an invitation to vulnerability, was the best course of action.

If I didn’t end up being matched with anyone suitable, well,  there was always the Park Ranger option.

Mrs. B

Up Next:  Match Game

From Now Until Forever from Now

Not sure where I'm heading with this but here goes....

Why?

I dodged God, religion, church, and most especially Jesus, for well over 30 years.  Unlike my husband, who experienced a similar aversion for a similar period of time, I couldn’t point to any particular reason why; why I walked out of church one Sunday morning in the late spring of 1981 and never went back.  Why I chose to leave a church family who had nurtured me through my teenage years; through a long series of confirmation classes, who witnessed my Baptism at 16 and my confirmation a few months later.  Why, for the next three decades, I thought I was in control of my life and could handle anything that was thrown at me without either turning to God for comfort or to a body of believers for support and sustenance. And as God and a few others who understand me well know, there were certainly many times over those years that I could have used it. Or, a good talking to; a gentle, loving, but assertive rebuke of and accountability for my behavior, actions and where I was (or wasn’t) heading spiritually. 

And Then

Later, I’d come to believe that there was no “why”.  There was no plausible reason.  I was 17 years old, I had other things on my agenda, and it appeared the whole “God Thing” just hadn’t stuck.  I was heading to college in the fall.  I had the entire summer ahead of me that for the most part would be spent with my boyfriend and friends engaging in behavior that was not something I wanted God to know about.  And then, I was in college.  And then I was 21 and having way too much fun being way too irresponsible.  And then I was in the midst of embarking on my first real job.  And then I was meeting my first husband (who was decidedly NOT into God).  And then I was climbing the corporate ladder.  And then I was divorcing.  And then I was in my late 30s living alone with two cats.  And then.  And then.  There were a lot of “and thens” over the course of those 30 years.

Dark and Drastic

And then, I ended up in a really awful place in the fall of 2001 and although the tragedy of 9/11 did not help matters, I cannot blame the events of that day for where I was.  The last few months of that year and the first few of the following were especially dark days.  Who hasn’t had these?  We all have.  As a result of  my “those days”, I ultimately made a decision that would drastically change my life.  “Drastically” sounds like a bad thing, but in my case,  one must think of the word “drastic” more in terms of a major shake-up of the way things were.  Had it not been so significant, I’d still be where I was.  I needed to move; literally and figuratively, and the only way to get me off the wheel I was on and out of the cage I was in, was to do something drastic.  And so I did.  With a lot of pre-planning, necessary both to make the plan work and to keep me from backing out, I eventually quit my job, went to Italy and took a total immersion course, returned to the states, moved myself from California to North Carolina, and found myself in February of 2004 wondering what was next.

A Journey I'll Never Forget

Front of the apartment building 

 Side view

 Tiny little austere bedroom

2nd bedroom.  Note the clothes "drying".  The infamous outfit  I wore three days!

On this day eleven years ago, I was newly arrived in Verona, Italy for a month long total immersion class. All my visions of experiencing an  exciting, dreamy and perhaps romantic time in Italy, a la "Under the Tuscan Sun" (or the later "Eat, Pray, Love") went quickly by the wayside when, upon arrival in Verona (after an extremely frustrating and definitely non-romantic layover in Paris), I discovered my suitcase did not make it to Italy with me.   I waited in vain all weekend for luggage to appear; all the while wearing the same pair of blue jean shorts,  a sweaty icky travel stained tee shirt and big old clunking sneakers (because, of course, everyone knows you wear your clunky shoes on the plane, you don't waste precious suitcase space on them!)  By the time I wrote this particular entry, I was in a near panic state; on my way to begin "school" looking like a slob with no clear idea how I'd ever be reunited with my luggage.  I'd arrived at my destination but wasn't so thrilled with the journey so far. Thus follows a classic example of God's sense of humor and a reminder of who, really, is in charge!

Mrs. B

18 August 2003, 7:30a -- My Apartment

My suitcase did not arrive.  I spent a fairly miserable, self-pity filled evening alone.  I was afraid to go out lest my suitcase chose to arrive at the moment I left.  Because I didn’t go out, it didn’t show up.  That’s the way things work.

No matter what today, I have to figure out what’s going on with this.  Because of the language barrier, I’m not 100% sure my landlady was telling me they’d deliver it or if she was telling me, “Sorry, too bad, figure it out yourself!”

I hope the people at the school will help me get this taken care of.  I don’t think I can manage one more day like this.

I’ll try to think positive but right now I’m starting to wonder if all of this was such a hot idea.  Time to leave and head over to school.

Random Thoughts Written on the Back of the “Lost Luggage” Instructions the Airline (Air Dolomiti) Gave Me

18 August 2003, 8:30a  -- Caffe al Teatro on Via Roma

·      I am sitting here an hour before I am due at school.   This is where I met Eva yesterday (the young lady who was kind enough to let me borrow her cell  phone to call the airline about my luggage).  I’m wearing the same stinky clothes.  This R&R Hall of Fame tee-shirt is getting a lot of mileage.  I am wearing my Tommy Hilfiger blue jean shorts, too. They are probably not appropriate for school, l but I have nothing else.  I refuse to wear my sweatpants and swelter to death.

·         Italians are a bit aloof.  I stand out like a sore thumb and they notice and look down at me.  Of course, they can’t know this isn’t how I intended to appear!

·         No one looks into windows as they walk past.  I’ve sat at my window for hours last night, watching.  Eyes straight ahead, no glancing up, down, left, right.

·         I can’t believe how noisy it is at my apartment at all hours.  Street noise.  Cars passing, people walking by talking, etc.  Except this morning it was quiet.  Funny.

·         It’s real humid here.  In addition to making me a sweaty, icky mess, it’s rendered my appetite to next to nothing.  If anything, with this situation and all the walking (Eva said I should rent a bike), I should manage to stay in good shape.

·         I used the carta telefonica this morning to call regarding my bag.  It worked, amazingly enough.  Too bad it hasn’t been so easy to get my bag returned to me.

·         It only took me 15 minutes (or less) to walk here.  Good to know.  Why take the bus (except to learn how, I guess)?

Later, 8:45p -- Caffe Colonial (near Ponte Nuovo)

Woo-hoo, my suitcase showed up this morning!  During the afternoon break, I ran back to my apartment and was able to change clothes!  Glorious!  Now I feel a bit more “at home” and able to relax.

And school was fine; but when they say “Total Immersion”, that is exactly what they mean!  The staff and teachers try not to speak any English.  Yikes!  I ended up (I think) in a very basic class.  I’ll know for sure domaini (tomorrow).

The good news is, everyone is very nice, including most of the other students.  The bad news is, I comprehend about ½ of what is being said.  Ok, more like ¼!

There was a 2 hour lecture this afternoon on the city of Verona, ancient cities in general, arenas, gladiators, etc.  The instructor, Andrea, (a man),  speaks very fast Italian, says “va bene” a lot and reminds me of Cesar (a friend from my TRW days). Luckily, he also throws in some English so you can somewhat follow what he’s saying.  He also gave a 2 hour walking tour of Verona which was good to get oriented.  I think I understand, basically, how to get a bus ticket and where they go; also, where to buy groceries (there may be a store closer to my apartment but I haven’t found it yet) and what the best wines in Verona are.  He also told us a lot about the Arena di Verona.  Maybe I will see if some of the other students would like to see an opera.

I left the tour when we got close to my place.  I said, “Parto, abito (I'm leaving , I live ) plus  (the word for “over there”, which I know can’t spell, sounds like “la jew”)

I went home and unpacked/got organized.  Now I’m out having dinner (pizza and a beer, I figure I deserve the beer).  I’m not too worried about drinking too much over here, it’s too hot to get drunk.

Yes, it’s steamy, steamy, steamy qua (here).  I’ve never sweated so much in my life.  I need to buy a fan for my room.

Tomorrow I have to buy a notebook.  They haven’t provided me one.  My notes are all over the place.

I hope now that school has begun, I will start doing things in the evening with other people.  I didn’t come here to hang out by myself.

I’ve made myself go to restaurants, etc., by myself and it’s ok, but, other than Eva, I’ve yet to see any other “single” women.

I would also like to find the gym, but we’ll see.  I need to get the Internet thing figured out soon, too.

And, I need to remember that I am here to learn and grow.  Who knows what direction this will take?

Hunk Oh Hunk Of Burning Stress

"They" say moving is one of the most stressful things a person can do in life; it keeps company on the list with getting married, divorced, starting a new job, being laid off or fired from your job, buying and selling a house, having a child/being a parent and having someone you are close to die. I've had experiences now with all but one of these and some more than others.

Probably the all time humdinger was in June of 2000 when FIVE occurred at once: I got divorced, we sold our house (while we were basically estranged), I moved from Colorado back to California (I had to leave my cats in Colorado for about three weeks; thankfully, I had a wonderful friend who went over to the house and checked on them every day), I started a new job where I had a lot to prove (or at least I thought so then) and I bought a house (and had to live almost three months in a Residence Inn until that process was complete; juggling what to do with Nigel and Clyde when I had to go out of town on business trips (please, maids, DON'T go into the room and let them out!))

When all was said and done, the entire change was crammed into roughly three months. Oh, and in the middle of all of this, my dad had a heart attack and my youngest brother also went through a nasty break-up and divorce (as an aside, our divorces were final within one week of each other; mine 7/24 and his 7/31, something I'll never forget).

Frankly, I'm surprised I didn't go totally bonkers because I was doing much of this by myself (although I did have incredible support from family and friends and certainly managed to have some fun along the way (thanks, Nathaniel)).

Anyway, it's eleven years later and the circumstances behind the move, although not 100% happy-happy joy-joy, are positive.

Still. Still. Moving IS stressful. And time consuming. And complicated. There are so many balls in the air at once and you really cannot drop any of them. Not only that, I feel as though I have to watch everyone else involved to ensure they don't drop any balls, either. I have a huge Excel workbook with multiple sheets in it, each one with a ca-zillion "to dos". Mr. B and I have assigned who is doing what and so far that is mostly working, with the only real problem being every time I strike one off, I seem to add five more. Mr. B tells me every day, "We're getting stuff done!", and, he's right, we are. In fact, frankly, I think we may be overly efficient as at times we're sitting around waiting for other people to do what they are supposed to and it seems mighty slow. I have to work hard on curbing my ex HRD persona and riding herd on those who don't return phone calls or emails as quickly as I feel they should OR who don't behave the way I believe they should. Mr. B sighs and probably wishes he could keep me half-snookered all of the time so that I'd chill out.

In my defense, it's extremely difficult to chill out when it's 100 plus degrees with high humidity such that it feels as though it's 115. And, this is likely one reason why things don't move along as quickly as I'd wish; it's hard to move quickly, period.

So, some of those most stressful/sad (for me) things about moving et al this go-around (including the fore mentioned aspect of people not having the same sense of urgency that I do) are:

Identifying and selling roughly 1/3 of our furniture. Or, hoping to sell it; whatever doesn't sell gets donated and written off. Although we opted for a smaller house, it's still somewhat sad to have to part with some of the things we've both had for many, many years.

Preparing for a moving sale. Wow, what a hassle! At times, I've found myself wondering if this is really going to be worth the effort.

Getting the current house ready to go onto the market/selling it. I've bitched enough about this so I won't go any further.

Having to leave the current house empty while we bop off to FL. I know I can't wait to get to FL, but, I feel "bad" for this house sitting here all by itself.

Worrying about the pets, well, really the cats, as we travel to FL. They've never had to deal with being in the car longer than 1/2 hour, let alone staying in a hotel room for several days.

Fretting about ALL the pets and how they'll adjust to their new home.

Money. Moving is not cheap. Everything requires money! You know it going in, but, after several weeks of writing checks for this or that, it wears on the soul.

Ok, enough negative crap. Across the miles, I can hear my Father saying to me as he reads this, "No crisis before its time, Christina!" And, my former Executive Coach just commented on one of my pissy Facebook status updates and reminded me that I am the Captain of My Soul and not to let things ruin my day.

I think I just needed to rant a bit, and, frankly, remembering that move back in 2000 really did help me appreciate how much improved the move circumstances are now compared to then.

Mrs. B

Looking Forward

Busy Season is FINALLY over! Woot! Yey! Thank God! It was a bad one, too; even more disorganized and panicked than usual. It was also longer by three days due to Emancipation Day. What's that, you ask? Well, unless you happen to live in DC, you've probably NOT heard of it as it is a holiday only celebrated in DC. It commemorates the day Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863, which was actually April 16th. But, since April 16th fell on a Saturday this year (can't have that!), it was bumped up to the 15th. This meant on the normal tax deadline date, all DC government offices, including the IRS, were closed. So, the tax deadline date was moved to the 18th, which meant Mr. B ended up working all weekend. Boo.

Anyway, it's over so no sense dwelling on spoiled milk or spilled milk or any milk.

Time to look forward to what we are looking forward to!

Tonight, dinner at our favorite Durham restaurant, Magnolia Grill. I'd made the RSVP a month ago because I knew we'd want to celebrate the end of BS (tongue in cheek) and the beginning of the beginning of our new lives. Well, almost the beginning; Mr. B's last day with his current firm is slated for May 6th.

Mr. B's off this week so we're spending time pulling together our various lists to arrive at the master list of "What we have to do to implement our plan." It's gonna be a long list! Usually I don't necessarily look forward to checking things off a Honey Do list, but, in this case, everything on the list will be important means to an end.

We're enjoying each other's company, of course, even while working. We have taken time each afternoon to sit outside on our patio with cocktails and cigars. Yesterday, we realized that the baby bluebirds had hatched and were chirping away in the two bluebird houses we have on our fence. What a happy sound!

Not one of our houses but ours look exactly like this!

We decided we would go to the firm's After Busy Season party April 28th. We'd been on the fence about it given Mr. B's general unhappiness with his boss, but, as with some marriages that are nearing divorce, this relationship's been on a somewhat upward trend of late, so, we figured why not. Free drinks and food, anyway, at McCormick and Schmick's.

Then May 6th will arrive, as already noted.

We're celebrating our anniversary in Charleston this year. As always, we'll stay at our favorite place the Vendue Inn

and have our anniversary dinner at Slightly North of Broad (S.N.O.B).

We're planning on trying at least one new restaurant out this go-around, maybe two. It's a great dilemma to have; deciding what restaurant to eat at each night.

Not too long after we return from Charleston, our dear friends Don and Kathleen from California will arrive. We're taking a road trip to Indianapolis

for the Indianapolis 500.

We've been planning this for months now and really can't wait for this fun adventure, which will include some new and different experiences for us as well.

May's gonna pass in a blur. Come June, it will be time to buckle down and make things happen to facilitate our relocation to Florida. This may mean a trip or two down there.

July will be more of the same. We are also thinking of driving to NY towards the end of July for Mr. B's brother's 50th birthday. This will depend on how things are progressing with/where we are in the Florida move.

In August there is the potential for me (and maybe both of us) to fly to San Diego for my 30th high school reunion but this is a long shot and I'm not really counting on it happening. It would be fun, of course, but we may be in the midst of a move.

Obviously there will be some tough things to get through during all of the fun. And, if not exactly tough, then certainly challenging. Yet, having all of the good stuff going on will cool any stings. I, for, one, am going to continue to focus the majority of my energy and thought on only those things that move us forward in our plan and/or are entertaining.

No crisis before its time.

Have a good time, all of the time.

Enjoy yourself, it is later than you think.

Mrs. B

Where Have I Been or Where I Have Been (Whatever)

Yeah, I guess this blogging thing has somewhat slipped by the wayside. Never fear, loyal readers. I'm sure at some point I'll get a second wind/new lease on life regarding writing things that I never know if anyone ever reads, anyway.

Life's bumping along, it's just my creative juices that have apparently dried up!

So, what have I been up to, then?

Let's see. Trying to get organized for the fall/winter months, for one. You know, exciting chores like swapping clothes out from closet to closet (out with the fall/winter ones). Starting to think about what the heck I'm going to do about holiday greetings this year. Part of me is not terribly into it this year. Ok, more than just part of me. It's so much work and for so little return (in general, folks seem to be dropping this whole holiday greeting tradition).

After a long hiatus, we're back to getting our weekly produce box. This means I'm once again having to come up with creative ways to eat various items that normally I'd never buy. Actually, this week, I got lucky as we received many things I like/have recipes for. Such as, kale, romaine lettuce, apples, roma tomatoes and cucumbers. We also got a passel of beets. Mr. B's on point for those, though.

Last night, we mad maple-glazed chicken (cutlets) with apple-Brussels sprouts slaw. We heated up some left-over sweet potato cheddar grits for an all-around exceptionally harvest-y fall dinner. Tonight, I'm gonna try my hand at making apple kuchen for dessert. Later in the week, a white-bean and kale soup with smoked sausage is on tap.

One thing I LOVE about fall. The return to robust (yet healthy) eating and all the yummy aromas that waft out of the kitchen throughout the weekend days.

I saw "Billy Elliot" (the Broadway musical) here in Durham a few nights ago. What an enjoyable evening (with my SIL Shannon; we bought the season tickets together). I was so awed by the sheer talent of the young man who danced the lead (although there are actually FIVE different boys playing Billy since they can only dance in two performances per week; you know, all those child labor laws!)

I'm proud to report that I have read 53 books (so far) this year (not too much longer to go for 2010 but I'll probably manage to crank out a few more in six weeks or so). You know what THIS means, an extra long Blog series of my book reviews.

We're supposed to get a hard freeze tonight. I really feel as though we missed out on two seasons this year. We seemed to go directly from butt-ass cold weather in February/March to hot humid summer (ok, maybe we had three weeks of spring). Now, we've headed pretty much from the hot humid summer (with record making days) to COLD. What happened to those lovely 65-70 degree days and 40 degree nights?

And tonight (early tomorrow), the clocks go back one hour. This means it'll be dark by 4:30 or so tomorrow and darker yet in the mornings (hard enough to get out of bed when it's so chilly).

Sigh. Gotta remember all of those good smells in the kitchen, though. And, the return to drinking good red wine. I'm totally burned out on Pinot Grigio.

Oh, I got an utterly fantastic early b-day gift from my mom and dad in-law. One of those Keurig coffee machines. I'm having SO MUCH fun with it. The variety of K-Cups available is mind blowing. I went into Bed Bath and Beyond to get a drawer-thingie to put under the machine to hold some of the K-Cups. Almost one entire wall was dedicated to all the K-Cups. I couldn't resist; even though I'd ordered some from Keurig (BTGTF + free shipping), I had to indulge in picking up a box of Holiday Selections from BB&B. Spiced Eggnog, Gingerbread, Golden French Toast and Holiday Blend. The cool thing about this is I can have my foo-foo coffee and Mr. B can drink his Kona or Extra Bold or whatever to his heart's content!

Well, that's about it for now. All's fine here. Maybe next week, I'll think of some really interesting thing to blog about.

Mrs. B

The People You Never See Again...?

A few years ago, I blogged about this topic (and speaking of never seeing things again, I can't find that particular posting, must have been on the Yahoo 360 Blog which is long gone now). I'd listed many categories of people you might have known over the course of your life that, when you get to thinking about it, you realize you'll probably never see again.

What dawned on me today (after reconnecting with a former sister-in-law on Facebook) and reflecting on some of my other connections, both on Facebook and LinkedIn, is that people that once would have stayed gone (you never WOULD see them again) can now come back into your life; albeit virtually in most cases.

I have to admit to have become fascinated with finding people, at least the ones I used to care about in some way. No, I'm not going to purposefully seek out folks that I didn't like or did crappy things to me and invite them back into my life (and if they find me and send me a request, I'll either ignore it or deny it). But, in general, don't we all have people from our past that we found ourselves wondering, "I sure hope so and so is doing well. I'd like to know what they are up to. I wonder how their family is doing? Do they still live in...?" etc.

So, thanks to the world we now live in, I've reconnected with childhood friends, former neighbors, people I went to high school and college with, previous co-workers, ex boyfriends, ex in-laws and friends I met in Italy.

Maybe I'm weird for finding this fascinating? But, I'm definitely not alone, if I am, since we're all out there accepting each other's requests! I'm sure there is some reason for this, and, if I think about it long enough, I might be able to figure out what's going on here, not just with "me and mine", but with everyone who is out there finding and reconnecting with their pasts.

Mrs. B

Life

Life is not a race to get everything done...
It should be spent loving and growing...
Serving and learning...
With a healthy measure of having fun! -- AHB

Our foster babies; "The Greek Gang" (Zeus, Hera, Apollo, Athena and Ares) arrive Thursday!

Mrs. B

Ho Hum...Not MUCH Going On...

I feel like I should write SOMETHING just so my last entry isn't from TUESDAY!

Frankly, though; there ain't a lot going on. Or, rather, nothing terribly exciting. Same old same old. I'm sure gonna be happy come next Wednesday/Thursday when BS is over!

My Father sent me a brand new set of golf clubs for an early Xmas present. Ok, that was sorta exciting :-) Of course, I can't use them until the pollen goes away, but, they are here, waiting for me.

I went to the opening home game of the season for the Durham Bulls last night. Actually, I was there to hand out postcards advertising the upcoming free concert series for the DSO. For about 45 minutes or so, I stood at the top of the stairs with a stack of these postcards giving them to anyone who would take one. I learned very quickly to say "FREE concerts!" I think a lot of folks ended up with the notion they had to have the postcard to get into the concert (not true, but, hey, they were taking 'em off my hands!) Only a few people were rude butts. Note to self: From now on, just TAKE whatever someone is trying to hand you as you walk by. No big deal to just toss it away if you don't want it. Hopefully, though, we'll get some folks to come to the Pops concerts as a result of our efforts (there were five other Board of Directors there with me).

So, the night was relatively pleasant weather-wise; the Bulls were winning when I left (sixth inning). And, I was pleased to discover that the ball park is now carrying Fat Tire beer on draft. Yey! It WAS a lot better on draft than in the bottle so I am back in love with it.

I've lost nine pounds in 3 weeks. As I said, it's easier to lose weight/watch what I eat when Mr. B isn't around. Or, maybe I'm just pining away for him? Who knows. In any case, I know some of it's gonna go back on (after the Fat Tire last night maybe it already has!)

I had lunch with my mom today; we did our part to stimulate the economy somewhat. Mostly books and stink-pretty stuff from Bath and Body Works. Oh, and some wine for Easter dinner.

We always have a great time together! However, I apparently didn't learn much from the book I just read ("Animal, Vegetable, Miracle") as I ordered something completely ridiculously out of season for lunch; a Caprese salad. Well, it just sounded good: Tomatoes, fresh basil, roasted red peppers, fresh slices of mozzarella and a drizzle of olive oil.

Well, it WOULD have been wonderful, probably, had it been, say, July or August!

As it was, the tomatoes were awful; hard, not a bit of flavor, sorta pale pink in color and the peppers were out of a jar. The basil tasted ok; what there was of it (just a few tiny slivers). I complained about the tomatoes and asked for some lettuce which I mixed up with the peppers and cheese to make the entree passable and the restaurant knocked 50% off the price. Still, my bad.

I made it home just as it started to pour down rain. Poor Lucy was outside (and, as most of you know, she refuses to go into her dog house) so she was wet.

Due to Mr. B having to work on Easter (which sucks), my family (those who are in town) are coming over to our house for brunch. Mr. B feels he can make it home around 1:30 or so and stay for "a bit". So, we'll make sure food is ready to go. Have I mentioned I'll be REALLY happy when BS is over?!

Finally (for now), I am seriously considering fostering some kittens this summer. The outfit we got Pete and Lily from are DESPERATE to find foster homes as they have kittens coming out of their ears. Pete and Lily's foster mom asked me to think about it. We have enough space (to keep them secluded) and everything is paid for. So, we'll see. I'm going to talk to her more about it when we get back from our trip to Charleston at the end of May. I know, I know; maybe I'm-a nutso, but, well, you never know why certain things call to you. Mr. B just sorta rolled his eyes at me but said he wouldn't mind. I assured him we would NOT end up with 15 cats :-)

Ok, time to go watch another old smaltzy movie that I know Mr. B would hate. Tonight's feature presentation: Elmer Gantry.

Mrs. B