Bygones and Long Lost Friends

I believe all of us, at times, have been in the position of having to “let go” of a person that perhaps you were not really ready to say good-bye to but “life happened” and it seemed like that was the way it had to be.

Funny, over the past several months, I’ve heard a few people say, “Gee, I really wish I’d never lost touch with…” or, “You know, so and so got divorced and that meant the end of my relationship with (one or the other) but I never really had a problem with them personally and sure would like to see them again…but…I don’t know how to go about that”. So, I guess it’s just not me. And, I do know of people who keep in touch with former in-laws, so, it’s not completely weird.

Before I go further, let me just say this. I truly, truly believe that things happen for a reason. Any one of you that reads this Blog knows that (or if you know ME you know that). We just don’t always KNOW at the time WHY something is happening, especially if it is something that doesn’t feel very good at all.

Several years ago, my younger brother and his then wife separated. To be honest, I was fairly well shocked because, like a lot of couples with “troubles”, they didn’t go around advertising them to the world. In fact, it seemed “all was well”. Of course, some of this was MY particular rose-colored glasses view of everything at that time because it was the same year Mr. B and I were married. Anyway, when my brother finally said something about it, it was pretty much over between them.

One day she was in my life, the next, she wasn’t. Just like that.

Of course at the time my primary concern was my brother; he being the youngest and also us being considerably close, my fierce protectiveness over him came out and I found myself, well, mad at her. In looking back, I had to admit, I was also grieving not only the loss of their marriage, but, the loss of our friendship as well. Because, truthfully, she and I had been quite good friends for several years.

Step back even further in time; when I divorced my first husband; the relationship I mourned the most was not ours but the one I’d had with his sister. After he and I split up, I never heard from her again. Of course, I didn’t attempt to contact her either; it just seemed like it would be too awkward.

So, when my brother and Michelle divorced, I found myself in a somewhat similar situation; after enough time for the anger and all of that “stuff” to wear off passed, it just seemed like far too much time had gone by and we’d all moved on, anyway.
As far as I can tell (and am concerned), in the long-run and in hindsight, both my brother and Michelle were meant to be with other people. My brother is married now to a lovely lady who has become a much loved addition to our family. They have an adorable son and another baby on the way. From what I know, Michelle is also remarried and happy with her life.

Yet, still, those of us who have “lost” people through divorce know that, assuming the ex in law was not a complete you-know-what, you will, probably, eventually miss them; especially if you were close. I still miss my former sister in law Suzi; and I still miss, from time to time, my former brother in law, Jim. And I miss Michelle. I miss the Michelle that was MY friend, which, frankly, had little to do with her being my brother’s wife. This was probably why, after the dust had settled and everyone had moved on to find happiness, I found myself feeling sort of bad about the ways things ended between US.

A while back, I read a great book called “The Life of Pi”. Not exactly the same story here, but, in summary; Pi, an Indian boy, is in a shipwreck where his entire family is drowned. Somehow, he finds himself floating around on a raft with a bunch of zoo animals that had also been on the ship. One of them was a huge Bengal tiger that, for lack of anything better, he named Richard.

Again, a different story line, but, my point is, after weeks at sea and having to work together to survive, they (the only two left alive on the raft) finally reach land. Pi is overjoyed at the nearness of being rescued (and eating). He turns to say something to the tiger, but, the tiger has already leapt off the raft and run away into the woods. Pi never saw him again; and, later in the story, he muses,

“Can there be anything worse than a botched farewell between friends?”

Ok, so, fast forward to this past Saturday at The World Beer Festival. I was standing with my sister in law Shannon and the twins. Mr. B and Brother Jon were off sampling beer, as was my step-mom, Margot. I said to Shannon, “You know, I bet Michelle is here somewhere because I know she liked coming to these festivals”. Probably 10 minutes after I said that, I looked over a ways away and saw Michelle standing there alone. I said to Shannon, “Is that Michelle?” and Shannon said, “Yes, I think it is”. Shannon and I stood there in silence, looking at each other. We stood there long enough that it seemed Michelle might have moved on, but, she didn’t. She stayed right there, still alone.

Well, like I said, things happen for a reason, and, to my way of thinking this WAS happening for a reason.

So, I told Shannon, “I’m going to go say hi” and I walked over to her and did just that.

And, let me tell you, I’m SO glad that I did. There were tears and hugs and more tears and hugs. We walked over to Shannon so Michelle could say hi to her; see the girls, and, a few minutes later, Jon and Mr. B came strolling up and she was able to say hello to them as well. We all chatted briefly, caught up a little bit, and then, she left to go find her new husband and the friends she’d come with.

Durham is not a huge town, but, this really was the first time in over three years that I’d seen her, or, rather, was SURE it was her. So, I don’t know if we’ll ever run into each other again or not. But, I definitely feel much better about this particular farewell; if in fact, it was one.

Mrs. B