Messages Received Via Special Delivery

Last year, I remember reading an article in The Wall Street Journal about an organization of people that believed loved ones who have passed on continue to send messages, most often, through our dreams. Whether this is true or not is beside the point since the belief is what is important to them, as well as the messages they are receiving. Perhaps the messages are simple greetings, or expressions of love; maybe they hold answers to long-sought questions or to a dilemma the individual is grappling with. In any case, I found the concept (and the fact that there is an organization supporting it) fascinating.

Frankly, I believe it; and, I believe it extends to the animals waiting for us at "The Rainbow Bridge", too.

I also think it isn't necessarily just images in dreams, but, things found all of a sudden during the course of a day. Say, for example, an old chewed up cat-toy mouse found in the bottom of a box of Christmas decorations. "Hi, Nigel, good to hear from you!" is what I thought when I found this last December! Nigel always did love climbing in and out of all of the boxes during decorating time.

The night before Clyde died, I had a dream where I very clearly and deliberately picked him up, cuddled him, petted him and kissed the top of his head. Although at that time he was still alive, I woke up knowing in my heart that he had come to say good-bye. So, when Mr. B called me that morning to tell me he was taking him to the vet, although sad, I wasn't surprised.

It was still rough, of course, especially the few hours of waiting in between Mr. B's first call and when he planned on calling me from the vet. I was out of sorts and restless; and, sitting in mom and dad's RV, all of a sudden felt extremely closed in and almost claustrophobic. I told my mom I was going to go out for a walk. Knowing I needed to be alone, she let me go.

Let me back-track here a second because this is important to my story.

One of the things Nigel and I used to do together is "sing". I know, it's silly, but, any of you who have had a pet know we do silly things with them. What was so cool was, Nigel would actually "sing" along, or, interject with a resounding "WANK!" at the appropriate time in the song.

One song we sang quite often was one I made up to the tune of "Daisy" (you know, the one about a bicycle built for two); like this,

"Buggy, Buggy (his nickname) give me your answer, do (WANK!). I'm quite crazy over my Bug-a-Boo (WANK!)...", etc.

I mean, we REALLY sang this a lot together.

So, back to a few weeks ago. I wandered around the park and decided to go up to the bathroom, which was next to a sort of meeting hall/assembly room or something. I went into the Ladies and was crying; coming to gripes with what was going to happen with Clyde. In the hall, there was a group of folks practicing their singing to the resounding bangs of a piano. They went on and on; I stood there sobbing (I guess I was lucky no one else was in there with me).

They finished their song, silence. Then, in the quietness that followed, came the first notes,

"Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do..."

Nigel.

Nigel was there in that moment, I know that he was. I know he was telling me he was there, that he'd be there to greet Clyde, and, it would all be OK.

And, it was and is okay. Clyde went peacefully, he's with Nigel now, and we're all doing fine here on Planet Earth.

Yeah, I'm still sad at times. But, with a message like that, I cannot be too sad for too long. And, I'm open to receiving more of them, and, I'm pretty sure that I might hear from one or both of them from time to time; I just have to be paying attention.

So, y'all might be thinking Mrs. B's a tad off her rocker, but, that's jake by me. No one else has to believe it, just so long as I do.

Mrs. B

The "Best" Years of Our Lives

People usually can look back on their lives (even if they still have many years in front of them (hopefully)) and say, "Oh, the years of so and so and so and so were the BEST years of my life so far!" I remember doing this even when I was yet a kid; thinking back, wistfully on a particular summer season or school year and remembering them with extreme fondness.

I was thinking on this concept the other day.

At this point in my life, I would say that the years 2004-2005 were two of the best years of my life (so far).

Perhaps one reason why is that I was coming off a few of the WORST years of my life (or, at least, really difficult and challenging and exhausting) but, on their own, they stand out as "freaking awesome" times.

Here's why:

1. I was just 40 and moved into a really nice townhouse in Durham. Having done so, I was closer to my brothers and their wives AND enjoying the adventure of exploring/getting to know a new town/area. I had no idea what was going to happen next, so, the sky was truly the limit.

2. I had my boys, Nigel and Clyde, with me. At that point in time, they were still healthy, happy and chubby.

3. Soon into 2004, I signed up for eHarmony. After one "dud" (SCOTT); I was matched with Mr. B. The rest, of course, is history!

4. I signed up for and did many things I never thought I would; namely, I took some weird touchy-feely courses at Duke (Council) and joined a Council Group. I later enrolled in the ESL Teaching Certificate Program at Duke, and, although I'm not currently utilizing what I learned, it's not something I'll ever lose, either. And, it was FUN being back in school!

5. There were many family get-togethers/gatherings/experiences during both of those years. I had my first Indy 500 experience which was something else again ("Here's a pillow to put over your head if there is a tornado. Anyone want some meatloaf?")

6. Mr. B proposed!

7. Mr. B and I went on A LOT of trips together; namely, our first very memorable trip to Charleston, to the NC Wine Festival, to LA/San Diego, to New York, to Alabama, to the Food and Wine Festival in Orlando, to Ft. Wayne for the holidays, etc., etc., etc.

8. 2005 brought more of the same; lots more gatherings, vacations, etc., with the ultimate for me being our wedding in Charleston in May, our big shin-dig in June and, our fantastic honeymoon on the Queen Mary II and several days spent in London.

9. After spending Thanksgiving in San Diego with friends, the year ended with a big holiday celebration at our townhouse in Durham with just about our entire family there.

So, yeah, great times. GREAT times.

And, I suppose that it is times like these that one remembers when times aren't so hot; as reminders that life CAN be sweet AND will be again.

As I said, these two years came after a few fairly crappy ones.

And, as life often goes, while these years were near perfect for me, there were challenges, disappointments and heartbreaks for those close to me. I'm happy to report, though, that in at least two of those situations, things turned out for the ultimate best all around.

Enough philosophising! Time to suck down some more coffee and get a stick on!

Mrs. B

Go Forth and Multiply BUT At Different Ages

I read in Sunday's "Parade" magazine an article which high lighted ways to live to be 100 (assuming one WANTS to live to be 100).

Most of what they talked about didn't surprise me, but, one item did.

It said that women who gave birth AFTER age 40 more than quadrupled their chances to live to be 100. I found that really fascinating and have been pondering it. WHY is it, do you think? Is it because, by the time a child/children reached their 40s, you'd be in your 80s and want to live long enough to see grandchildren so you'd stick around to 100? Or, because you'd be so busy running around like a chicken without its head on trying to keep up with a youngster when you're a bit, uh, long in the tooth that you simply don't have time to think about kicking the bucket?

I'm not sure I really understand the rationale (and the article did not go into any depth). But, what was even more strange was that it said men who have children also live longer, ESPECIALLY if they start having their families at a younger age.

Younger than WHAT? Or WHOM?

So, does all of this mean that us broads over 40 should be shacking up with young dudes and having kids by them so that we can all live to be 100? Except we'd be 100 and they might only be 80. And, what about how tough it is for women to get pregnant when they are over 40? Most of us are already starting the periomenapause process, for God's sake.

Well, it's all a moot point for me, of course; I've no intention of leaving my Mr. B for some young dude and I doubt we'll be having kids at this point but, it was worth blogging about. I don't think "Parade" did a great job researching this little factoid!

Mrs. B

Mom and Lucy's Travel Adventure: Part Three

Note: This is a tad long in the tooth but I decided to combine the rest of our journey by destination and not go day by day (otherwise, I'll never get this finished up!) Also, you can view pictures of the trip by clicking on the link under "Mrs. B's "Stuff"" to the right of the Blog. No sense in Mrs. B getting frustrated with inserting pictures into these entries (they muck up the alignment of the posting!)

Weeki Wachee (Friday 22 February – Wednesday 27 February 2008)
We left Jack and Roberta’s around 10. It took around an hour and a half to drive to Weeki Wachee from Ocala. No problems! According to Jack, Lucy exhibited interesting behavior while I was loading up the car to leave. She appeared to be quite anxious that I was going to leave without her! Jack had a bully of a time holding on to her.

We arrived at Father and Margot’s. I walked Lucy on the lawn to get a pee in. Since she seemed pretty calm, we went to the front door, with me praying it would all go ok! Margot greeted us; I walked Lucy around the house and outside (pool area). Lucy met Father; no big deal, all was fine (Father requested NOT to be called “Grandpa”, so, he’s Mr. Hayes to Lucy!)

Lucy settled in just fine. Margot and I took her on a nice walk around the neighborhood (something we did just about every afternoon) and the rest of us had a leisurely afternoon catching up and dinner in; shrimp curry. Later that night, Father and I watched an interesting flick, “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavera”, which is a spoof of the terribly (and campy) B sci-fi horror movies of the 50s and 60s. Not bad at all!

The next morning, Lucy and I got right into our morning routine of getting up, mom getting coffee, and taking off for our walk. Father kindly left us the newspaper bags every morning for Lucy’s “business”. That particular morning, it was threatening rain so we didn’t go far, in fact, we just barely made it back to the house before it poured.

Our 2nd day in Weeki Wachee was also fairly leisurely. The big excitement was that Lucy went out into the backyard (fenced) and rolled around in grass that had recently been fertilized. She came into the house and I could smell her from a mile away. Yuck! Needless to say, she got an impromptu bath. We took her outside and Father hosed her down (she didn’t much care for that). I lathered her up with Father’s shampoo and we got her rinsed off. We all managed to get out of that exercise fairly dry (except Lucy, that is).

We sat outside by the pool and played a game I’d brought along (Whoonu) for an hour or so. Lucy behaved herself and was content lying next to us on a mat Father found for her.

We had dinner out at the Thai place that I’ve been to several times (excellent food). Lucy stayed home baby-gated in my room. We were gone about two hours; she did great. Whew!

That night, Lucy decided to start sleeping UNDER my bed. She did this the rest of the time we were there. Weird (and she didn’t attempt to do so anywhere else on our trip).

Sunday found us going out in the early afternoon in search of lunch dock-side. We went to one place that was very crowded and the waitresses (too few) looked completely lost. Father decided it would be wise to go somewhere else. We ended up at an Italian place called Argento’s. Father and I shared a “white garlic” pizza. Yum.

The Goose was alone 3 hours this time; again, no issues. I sure was proud of her!
That night, we watched The Academy Awards. It was LONG and BORING and Jon Stewart was not very funny at all.

Monday afternoon, we trooped off to the Tampa zoo. Fun! Although, there were many exhibits that were closed down/roped off due to renovations/new developments. We also stopped at a Post Office so I could mail off my passport renewal application (this was 25 February; I had it in hand in Durham 5 March; is that FAST or what?)

By the time we got home to Lucy, we were sort of tired so we decided not to go out to eat and stayed in. Margot made a cassolet with beans and kielbasa. She sure is a good cook and home cooked meals are such a joy (especially when someone else is doing the cooking for a change).

That night, I stayed up way too late drinking red wine and talking with Father. But, it was worth it.

I got up “early”; meaning, before 8, the following morning. On our walk, Lucy encountered her first person on a bike (at least as far as I know). She got pretty agitated.

After Lucy’s walk, the rest of us went to Emily’s for breakfast (a huge plate of sausage gravy and biscuits); very good (but not as good as Mr. B’s).

I started to get organized/pack up in preparation for leaving for Sarasota the following day. How did I manage to bring so much stuff?

I showed Father how to log onto my Blog. ARE YOU READING THIS ON-LINE, FATHER?

We played a few hands of Canasta before dinner. I’d played before (very similar to Hand and Foot). It all came back to me but it didn’t do me any good because I couldn’t get the right cards to meld/ get canastas! Oh well; fun to “learn” another 3-handed game to play. And, Margot gave me my own Canasta Jesus to pray to while playing (BTW, so far, as of this entry, he’s not helping me very much).

We had Cincinnati chili for dinner and red wine. Lots of it, again; but this time it was me and Margot up doing the talking after Father had gone to bed. It had rained the majority of the day and was still coming down while we were out there (luckily their patio/pool area is screened in). Lucy had a grand time chasing a little frog; until it jumped into the pool. Dilemma! She didn’t go in after it but she did track its progress by trotting continually around the pool.

The next morning, I was awoken to the sound of Lucy retching. Happy happy joy joy (not); I’m never going to understand why she throws up every twelve or so days; it makes no sense. Luckily there wasn’t much in her tum tum and I got it cleaned up easily enough.

We had a real quick walk; it was quite chilly that morning for FL. Plus, needed to get a stick on and get ready/load the car. How did Mr. B do it so efficiently when he loaded the car for me before I left? The big challenge was getting Lucy’s gate in there. Spatial relations has never been my bag!

Off to Sarasota!

Mrs. B

Remembering That Vets Grieve, Too

Yesterday I decided to write a note to our vet, Chuck and his staff, thanking them for their loving care of Clyde and acknowledging that I know it's hard on them, too, to lose their little patients. I did this when Nigel died, too; it helped me with my own grieving process.

Since Chuck et al had only known Clyde for a brief period of time (and therefore only seen him as an aged and sick little dude), I thought I'd put together a small collage of pictures of Clyde in happier times and include this with my note.

I've already posted one of these on my Blog, here are the others ones I sent.

Clyde as a kitten
Chubby Clyde (and Nigel)

My favorite artistic shot of Clyde

As I said, this is part of MY grieving process; so, I hope y'all don't mind lots of entries about Clyde for a while yet.

Mrs. B

Rain Rain

Notice I didn't add to the title of this entry, "...go away, come again some other day" because, of course, us'uns in this neck of the woods are in desperate need of rain, and a lot of it. We're definitely getting that of late! I read in the paper yesterday that Durham's water supply is up to over 300 days now (considering that a month or so ago it was around 50, this is excellent progress). Of course, and rightfully so, the city officials are reminding all of us that we still must conserve water. In other words, the deluges we've had and delightful ground soakings that have ensued does not mean we can return to taking long hot showers, or, even, a shower every day. We must yet still remember and follow the advice from the little ditty, "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down"!

Fine by me. The B household hasn't really had too much trouble with water conservation. With a reasonable effort, we reduced our consumption about 30%, and that was even when we had company staying with us.

So, the rain. I welcome it for many reasons. The obvious one being our drought. But, it also fits my mood. Not necessarily dreary but not sunny, fresh and cleansing and really, really wet. Like tears.

Also, the fact that it is rainy means it is not sunny outside. It was decidedly sunny outside Thursday afternoon and that was hard on me emotionally because sunny afternoons were Clyde's favorite time of the day. He'd be out and about in the sitting room upstairs, either on his perch soaking up the rays or rolling around on the floor in a sunny patch he'd found. And, sunny afternoons were our time to be together and share a cat-nap. I'd say that we did this 5 out of 7 days per week in 2007 and into 2008.

So, walking up the stairs on Thursday to see all of that sun pouring in, warming up the entire sitting room, and not seeing Our Sweet Pal there basking in it, wrenched my heart a bit.

Clyde in happier times

I know this will pass at some point and I'll welcome the sun again. Probably sooner than later because that's the way it goes.

Clyde rolling in the sun

We move on, but, we never, ever forget.

Mrs. B

My Friend Don's Goofy Dance

I've known my great friends Don and Kathleen for over 20 years now. Long, long ago, Don started doing this goofy, silly dance thing. Every single time he did it, it would crack me up and I couldn't stop laughing. I remember telling them both that, no matter how sad I was, that dumb dance would always put a smile on my face.

You all know that we lost our dear Clyde a week ago tomorrow. We've received many kind words of love and support, all much appreciated.

This morning, I opened up my computer to find a few emails from Kathleen with the sentiment that she hoped the attached videos would cheer me up.

Well, you guessed it, one of them is Don doing his goofy dance. And, she was right, it did cheer me up and it still cracks me up.

She also sent one of her (although SHE didn't do the dance!) one of their son James doing the dance, and one of Don and James together.

I'm only posting Don's (it takes forever to upload videos) but the rest were appreciated, too!

Here's Don doing his dance!

Enjoy!

Mrs. B