I
thought I was grown up at 30. I had a
degree in psychology. My first husband
and I had recently purchased a new house; a milestone for both of us. We had nice cars and decent furniture. I was a compensation manager for an employee
base of close to 2,000. I’d done my fair
share of travel. Little did I know, I
knew very little!
In
the decade between 30 and 40, I’d continued to advance in my career and ended
up at a level that my ditzy 17 year old self never could have fathomed. Regarding houses, I’d sold and bought, sold and bought, and
sold and bought again. I’d moved from
California to Colorado and then back to California and was nearing yet another
move, this time to North Carolina. I’d
survived a failed marriage and several other ridiculous relationships. I had a major readjustment moment which
ultimately led me to quit my job, end my career, and go to Italy for six weeks
for no reason other than to do it. After
all of this, I HAD to be grown up. Yet,
I wasn’t, not fully.
The
thing is, ever since I can remember, I’ve always wanted something else than
what I have. Certainly at times this can
be helpful, especially in the areas of drive, accomplishment and
achievement. However, the problem
becomes, one like this is never satisfied with what one has. Not a very peaceful way to live, nor is it
realistic, mature or wise.
My
first fifty years were defined by one change after another, by never being
totally ok with what I had or who I was.
That’s not what I want for Part Two; and so I’ve thought a lot about
what I want to be going forward, listed here in alphabetic order because I
don’t want to waste time agonizing over which is more important!
·
Active. Physically and mentally. As much as I love a bit of R&R, I need to
keep somewhat busy. I also think this
contributes to many of the others I’ve named below.
·
Age
Appropriate Attractive. Slim and elegant
comes to mind. Who can argue with that?
·
Gracious. Is there anything more lovely than a kind and
gracious woman? I don’t think so,
either.
·
Faithful. To my God.
To my family and friends. To
myself.
·
Healthy. Obviously, much of this is not within my
control however I know full well that a lot of it is. I can chose what I do with my physical self,
what I put into it, what I put it through.
·
Humble. Is there anything more unattractive than a
self-satisfied, arrogant individual? I
know much has been given to me. I am hopeful that I can give back in spades.
·
Interesting. Please, God; don’t let me turn into someone
who never has anything new to say or share.
·
Thankful. I’ve started keeping a daily Gratitude
Journal to remind me how much I have to be thankful for and every day I write
at least one thing down specific to that day.
One of my favorite devotional books said that it’s nearly impossible to
be critical and complaining when you are thankful.
· Trusting.
That same devotional said trust in God keeps one from obsessing and worrying. I don’t think this means throwing up your
hands and exclaiming “I’ll just put my trust in God” and then either not doing
anything or being extremely reckless; but, rather, it means knocking off the
incessant second guessing about what’s already happened or the fretting that
keeps one from doing anything at all.
I could add more;
and maybe over the course of time there
may be a few more I’d throw in but I don’t believe there would be any I’d
remove.
I’ve taken to
memorizing scripture. Frankly, I’m
amazed how easy it’s been to do so, which tells me I must need it in my mind
and heart; not to mention, you never know when it may become necessary to pull
out a well-placed verse. Lately, as I’ve
thought a lot about getting old(er);
about the trials of aging, of losing people I love, of perhaps losing my health
and becoming frail, of maybe being lonely, I’ve been seeking out verses that
speak to these things. This verse from
Hebrews brings me so much comfort because I know as the years march on, I’ll
never really be alone. And, even if one
is not religious, I think it also illustrates how we, like those who have gone
before us, must live, and finish, our lives in both memorable and honorable
ways.
“Therefore, since
we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also throw off every
weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the
race that is set before us”. Hebrews 12:1
Mrs. B
